Re: Do we tend ot be loners?

[Anonymous]

@ crejeeena: Have you had this checked out? This sounds like something more than ADD. You sound like my son who has a non-verbal learning disability as well as ADD. His NVLD makes it very difficult for him to pick up on social cues, body language, conversation timing, knowing how to tell jokes, knowing what to say, how much and when… It also means he has difficulty with the coordination of signals coming in from his senses and his coordination in general. Are you better than most people at taking phone messages? Can you understand a thing if it is read to you, but not if you read it for yourself? Have you always been a little clumsy? Did it take you longer to learn how to do things like tying your shoes or riding a bike? Has your handwriting always been messy? Are a picky eater, or do scratchy fabrics, clothing tags and bunched-up socks in your shoes drive you to distraction? These were some of the telltale signs of NVLD. Another possibility is Asperger’s syndrome (high-functioning autism). I’m sure there are thousands of people out there with mild or moderate Asperger’s who slipped under the radar all through school, just coming across as “odd” or awkward. You should see about it.

I too have been something of a loner. My report cards as a kid even stated that I “lacked social skills”. Just awkward, and didn’t really care if I went against the grain. If the whole objective of our conversation had been achieved – such as to convey or receive information, to share ideas, to enjoy talking about a common interest – and the conversation no longer had a reason to happen, I would just as soon smile and walk away rather than belabor it with stupid social niceties that did nothing but waste another 5 minutes of our lives just so the interaction ended smoothly and gracefully. Who gives a damn? Screw etiquette. Just walk away! No offense intended or taken. I’m just that impatient. I HATE cocktail party chit-chat. Its only purpose is to propagate social politicking, ladder climbing and ego inflating. Everyone using stupid social rituals just to size one another up, kick one another’s tires so to speak. Ugh. See what I mean? Useless. Don’t know why people can’t just say what they mean and mean what they say.

But in addition to my dislike of fake smiles and saccharine politeness, I have always felt alone. Not just lonely – although I have felt it keenly at times – but alone. This is a feeling of separateness from others, just feeling…different. Like you were dropped on the wrong planet or something. Off to the side. An observer. Feeling that the rules and norms don’t apply to you (although it makes life easier to go through the motions and just try to live within them). Does anyone else feel this way? Like you’re a whole different specie altogether?? I’ve looked into something called Indigo phenomenon (New Agey stuff). There they described this feeling of detachment or distance as being akin to not being one of of the sheep, but being the sheepdog who feels the weight of responsibility for protecting the sheep. The sheep don’t accept the sheepdog as one of them; in fact they are a little afraid of him. The sheepdog can get along with the sheep, but will never be one of them. Hopefully that doesn’t come off sounding elitist; I just thought it was a good description of this feeling of “other”-ness.

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