Do we tend ot be loners?

[Anonymous]

hi i find that i also tend to be a loner. i always thought it was because i was raised as an only child.

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[trashman]

It’s funny how easy it is to find a place to fit in, Ican be more open and honost here then I can be at home . so all in all it seems like we can be shy or very out going and still be a loner. I think thats why i like coming here . so thanks for being alone and with me here .

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[Patte Rosebank]

I am very well acquainted with that odd dichotomy of needing to be the centre of attention when there’s an audience (and of being able to comfortably go out onstage, even unrehearsed, and entertain hundreds or thousands of people)—yet, of feeling very uncomfortable with having to mingle at a party and talk to people one-on-one. In fact, at parties, if there is a family pet, I’ll usually spend most of my time in a quiet corner, alone with the pet. Jerome “Curley” Howard (of the Three Stooges) was exactly the same way.

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[Anonymous]

Depending on the party I can be a loner or the life of the party. It’s a variable.

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[Anonymous]

Yes I totally understand where you are coming from. I am so lonely. I am not alone at all but for some reason, I just can’t seem to “mingle” well with others. With my own family, I am often the one on the side, eating, staying quiet while other members are laughing and having a good time. I just can’t seem to join in. It’s even worse at my husbands’ side because I feel like I have to make an effort to “get into the circle” but when I do, I don’t know what to say, if I do say something, it’s feels off topic and awkward. I get a lot of anxiety from it and my mind is constantly thinking about it all the time. I wish I could just tune that part out, relax and have a good time. I have a terrible time at following conversations or know when to jump in. I also have a hard time at looking people directly in the eyes. I try but my eyes just can’t focus on there’s and I look away. It make the whole situation awkward for both parites. If a funny thing has happened to me and I want to tell people about it, I have a hard time explaining it. It just comes off awkward and not funny. I can tell because people aren’t laughing. I’m a lot better at expressing myselft via text or e-mail or through forums, lol. I so desperetely want to be normal and “fit in”. What’s worse is that my husband is so charming, funny and outgoing. When he met me, I was more outgoing than now…before I had kids and all of these repsponsibilites, but now we are two different people and I want to so badly, just to be able to enjoy this great life that I have with him. He thinks my ADHD is foolish and that anyone could have a little “ADD” too. He just doesn’t understand.

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[Anonymous]

Yup. I like people, but get to think my lack of success with them is reinforcing my reticense to mingle or be involved.

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[Anonymous]

It is well worth checking out 2 books by Thom Hartmann:

ADD A different Perspective: http://www.amazon.com/Attention-Deficit-Disorder-Different-Perception/dp/1887424148/ref=sr_1_6?ie=UTF8&qid=1295276325&sr=8-6

or

The Edison Gene and the Gift of the Hunter Child: http://www.amazon.com/Edison-Gene-ADHD-Hunter-Child/dp/1594770492/ref=sr_1_17?ie=UTF8&qid=1295276325&sr=8-17

This book is also helpful:

Thom Hartmann’s Complete Guide to ADHD: Help for Your Family at Home, School and Work

http://www.amazon.com/Thom-Hartmanns-Complete-Guide-ADHD/dp/1887424520/ref=sr_1_9?ie=UTF8&qid=1295276325&sr=8-9

If you’ve felt like a loner, if you’ve decided that ADD is a blessing or if you want a different perspective on ADD it is worth reading one of these books. The Amazon Links also have the Look Inside option so you can read some of the book to get a feel for the content. Take a look!!

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[Anonymous]

@ crejeeena: Have you had this checked out? This sounds like something more than ADD. You sound like my son who has a non-verbal learning disability as well as ADD. His NVLD makes it very difficult for him to pick up on social cues, body language, conversation timing, knowing how to tell jokes, knowing what to say, how much and when… It also means he has difficulty with the coordination of signals coming in from his senses and his coordination in general. Are you better than most people at taking phone messages? Can you understand a thing if it is read to you, but not if you read it for yourself? Have you always been a little clumsy? Did it take you longer to learn how to do things like tying your shoes or riding a bike? Has your handwriting always been messy? Are a picky eater, or do scratchy fabrics, clothing tags and bunched-up socks in your shoes drive you to distraction? These were some of the telltale signs of NVLD. Another possibility is Asperger’s syndrome (high-functioning autism). I’m sure there are thousands of people out there with mild or moderate Asperger’s who slipped under the radar all through school, just coming across as “odd” or awkward. You should see about it.

I too have been something of a loner. My report cards as a kid even stated that I “lacked social skills”. Just awkward, and didn’t really care if I went against the grain. If the whole objective of our conversation had been achieved – such as to convey or receive information, to share ideas, to enjoy talking about a common interest – and the conversation no longer had a reason to happen, I would just as soon smile and walk away rather than belabor it with stupid social niceties that did nothing but waste another 5 minutes of our lives just so the interaction ended smoothly and gracefully. Who gives a damn? Screw etiquette. Just walk away! No offense intended or taken. I’m just that impatient. I HATE cocktail party chit-chat. Its only purpose is to propagate social politicking, ladder climbing and ego inflating. Everyone using stupid social rituals just to size one another up, kick one another’s tires so to speak. Ugh. See what I mean? Useless. Don’t know why people can’t just say what they mean and mean what they say.

But in addition to my dislike of fake smiles and saccharine politeness, I have always felt alone. Not just lonely – although I have felt it keenly at times – but alone. This is a feeling of separateness from others, just feeling…different. Like you were dropped on the wrong planet or something. Off to the side. An observer. Feeling that the rules and norms don’t apply to you (although it makes life easier to go through the motions and just try to live within them). Does anyone else feel this way? Like you’re a whole different specie altogether?? I’ve looked into something called Indigo phenomenon (New Agey stuff). There they described this feeling of detachment or distance as being akin to not being one of of the sheep, but being the sheepdog who feels the weight of responsibility for protecting the sheep. The sheep don’t accept the sheepdog as one of them; in fact they are a little afraid of him. The sheepdog can get along with the sheep, but will never be one of them. Hopefully that doesn’t come off sounding elitist; I just thought it was a good description of this feeling of “other”-ness.

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[Anonymous]

I have always considered myself a loner, but after learning more about ADHD, I am beginning to wonder if that was just my excuse for not wanting to feel like a square peg trying to fit into the round hole. It was just pointed out to me that I am very comfortable in front of a crowd that I am a natural showman & that has served me well. It is being part of the crowd I have always been uncomfortable with. I have also begun to see some of my communication quirks that tent to make small talk rather difficult for me. I also have many acquaintances & few close friends. The realization for me is, that if I am to have those deep close friends, it will probably be up to me to get out of my comfort zone & seek them out and learn to just be that square peg, (it’s OK to be a square peg) Being different is not all bad or good, I believe what matters is how I present that difference to those around me. Many will appreciate it some wont, some may not even notice. The more I learn about this syndrome the more hope I have of becoming more comfortable being me, That is the best feeling in the world, the more I learn about communicating with those around me the more comfortable I become being around them, and so on.

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[Anonymous]

I am definitely a loner by choice, although over time I’ve learned how to get along fairly well in social situations AS LONG AS the people I’m with share some interests with me. (Not difficult, I’ve been all over the spectrum with my short lived fascinations!) The problem I have is that if I get comfortable, I don’t always know where the line is that marks inappropriate social behavior until I’ve gone way past it.

Plus, it’s so much WORK to be social. Who needs THAT?

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[Anonymous]

I think i appear to be a loner because the audio and visual stimulation of a lot of people overwhelms me. I am alone often due to a need to decompress from over stimulation. I love people and like to be with them. I am surprised by all the high schoolers who are my facebook friends and actually liked me in high school. I did not do well academically. There were times when I got all B’s and few As. Most of the time, it was a few B’s, and many C’s and D’s. But I was friendly, even though I did not participate in school activities. i was a police explorer so I could play with firearms though. I was good at hyperfocusing and painting alone. I had to learn to hyperfocus in an academic way in my final semester if I wanted to graduate. So, I learned. Then, I did great in college. I think being alone at times keeps me focused in the world.

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[Anonymous]

Also, people think I’m weird because I finish their sentences and I can go from A and think through to F while others are still moving sequentially from A to B. Sometines, I think my co-workers are retarded or slow because they can’t think as fast as me. This can be a social turn off. (Really?) LOL

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[Anonymous]

blue wanderer, i totally relate to being at F when people are still at A and B explaining things. It’s unintentional, but I think sometimes it comes off as me being disinterested. I’m not!! but i already know what they’re going to say, haha

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[shutterbug55]

Loner.

I have lots of people who I know, but nobody I could call a friend. I dislike parties and get togethers. Too many people and conversations that take so much concentration and energy to filter out. That leaves me alone in a crowd. I am uncomfortable that nobody is talking , sitting, or eating with me, and somewhat envious of people who appear to be having fun. Mostly I am watching the clock, and looking for a chance to fade away and escape.

My counselor is adding mild agoraphobia to the list of conditions I have. I am fine with the out of doors, it’s just people that make me uneasy.

I don’t know if it is the ADD that makes it worse, or some other “trauma” I suffered. All I know is I am much more comfortable with my own thoughts, doing my own things. I am working on channeling my thoughts so I can write stories and possible a book.

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[laddybug3]

I am strange when it comes from social interaction. There is a part that wants to hang out, but another part that just want to hang out in a group. That way no strange silence and there is more people.

Lately, I have been reflecting and realize that I go through this phase where I just want to be a lone. Then later I go through another phase where I want to hang out all the time. I am heading toward the lone phase, but a few months ago I wanted to go to hang out for a while.

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[Author]

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