The Forums › Forums › Emotional Journey › Other › Don't know what to do with siblings and parents › Re: Don't know what to do with siblings and parents
Family relationships are such a deep and complex thing.
It’s funny, when I first read bouf68’s post, I heard it very clearly from my own perspective, from my own familial experiences.
At various times in my life, different family members have been toxic for me. Sometimes it was a genuine malevolent spirit, and sometimes it was simply my own inability to cope that made these relationships unhealthy for me.
Our responsibility in this life is to look after ourselves and in doing so become better able to support, inspire, care for, love, teach, aid, etc, everyone we connect to.
We cannot change other people. We can educate, we can love, we can be an example, but it is up to each individual to make their own choices as to how to walk through this world.
Because of my empathetic nature, I have to be very careful to keep control of my boundaries, and sometimes this means physical separation. I like the empathetic part of my personality, but it means I have to be self-protective sometimes. I need to do what is best for me regardless of social norms, perceived obligations, etc. Family can be the most challenging, because we have the longest relationships with them. Our patterns of interaction have a lifetime of history, and that is often very difficult to alter. Particularly when we are going through a major change, sometimes the best thing we can do for ourselves, is to keep a distance. For many families, this isn’t necessary, and I’m happy to report that as I go through the diagnostic process, my family has been very supportive. However, even in a supportive environment, sometimes I need to take a step back to process and to re-jig the way I frame my relationships. I have a responsibility to myself to get clear about who I really am, and how I want to proceed with my future.
In families, sometimes the roles we have been assigned or adopted over time are difficult to change. I guess the message I originally wanted to convey was that it is ok to be self-protective and to make choices that may not please everyone else, but that you know in your heart are right for you, at least for right now.
It’s been nice to read different perspectives on this one and to see how our varied experiences direct our feelings. I love Memzak’s Norman Rockwell holiday! I suspect that my frustrations with small talk and sitting in one place for many hours may have tainted some of my potential picture perfect holidays. This is just one more aspect of my life that I am now looking at through a new set of lenses! Thanks for the opportunity to let me explore it here!
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