Re: Finding direction sucks when you don't have a compass

[Anonymous]

All awesome posts………

I now wonder what is “Next” for me. As a recently diagnosed and initially poorly treated or should I say not “hollistically” treated ADD/ADHD’R.

Please read this through as i tried to condense best I could. As a 48yr old male going on 16 I WISH SOMEONE TOLD ME (They probably did but I have and always had ADD/ADHD so it went in one ear out the other) (lol)……… OK from the gut here. I have enjoyed some of lifes greatest joys and successes but I have also succumbed to horrible failures. Yep been married 2x divorced 2x as well. Homes had up to 6 at one time, beautiful cars (Jag and Denalli SUV) , Bore 3 children adopted one and raised another till age 9. Assisted X spouse in getting her RN degree. Was able to spend some great years with a father I wish I could have spent more when I was younger. Yep I had sisters to which I wish I new better years gone by. I was able to be in careers (Businesses owned and “managed”) by significant others I loved and thrived in. Had great physical health Blah Blah Blah Everything I mention above has value. The problem is because of my ADHD which I was diagnosed with after starting my second divorce at about age 45 I did not realize fully how many “life skills” I was missing. Yep had the gold card with 50k limit but in reality I never paid one bill. Trucks, cars never paid one bill. Mortgages on multiple properties never paid one bill. When taking “care” of kids Yep took them to Drs while spouse at school and work and made sure they were OK never paid a bill. Cooked, cleaned and repaired not only my home but also assisted employees and friends the same way. Not even realizing I had ADD/ADHD I instinctively new keeping my children busy and challenged in there everyday life was making them happy and content. Cheerleading, football, gymnastics and music lessons, doing homework together. They all loved the outdoors…….. Was I the perfect parent? No! Why I never took care of myself. I knew I had faults but i was really sellfish as i did what I though was right but I was always behind the eightball… Mostly again in education…… Not necessarily because I did not have a college education but I should have trained myself to handle the simple mundain life skills ( balancing checkbook, budgets, understanding and looking at contracts and more) Crap my X had to Sched my colonosccopy and dental appointments. To be honest I never ever wanted to do any of those things I just mentioned but I should I said “I” should have been more responsible as I was more than financially able to get the proper people to “handle” the aforementioned items. But I should have as they say “signed the checks” but instead I looked at the end of the tunnels light without realizing it was a long sometimes very dark and rocky road to get to the end of the tunnel. Even though quite honestly in my head I could not wait to get to the end of the tunnel and start another Journey …… Ok why the story I here and understand many thoughts, ideas and concerns you all have and it sounds like many of you have many similar skill sets. I know it is hard trust me I know but you must take care of yourself first…… Marriage STOP what do you want from the marriage children, companionship, financial stability…… Self worth is what is important… Make sure you are happy with yourself and whatever you want in that marriage make sure you and your partner can give 100% equally. Just in case,,, well god forbid it does not work out or if something more tradgic happens where you may have to care for the person in case of serious injury … Career Heck I have to figure it out as well as I am now 48 and lost everything in divorce or shortly there after and recently became injured and now my 1 asset of physical employment is in jeopardy due to a physical injury (Hence, if i went to college years ago and completed a degree in forensic accounting maybe i would not have skipped a beat). I will say onething I am thankfull for my family as if not for them i would be out on the street… Actually still might be…… But we have to keep moving forward no matter how bleak as there is definately a silver linning … There is as I have been in many physical and emotional rags to riches situations at only 48!. Oh and lastly this Site at TOTALLY ADD is awesome and we should be thankful for it…… As with watching TV and being marketed for all the wants we need yeah right NOTT !!! Trust me you do not need another $60k SUV to travel 30 miles a WEEK! in the ever so suburban city in NJ without one hill no dirt roads and more snow plows u can imagine , 5000 sq ft home (to pay for heating and cooling of unused rooms) and clothes that will break your budget and put more “Bad” stress on you for things you really do not need. The distractions and need for instant gratification that TV and now the internet google advertising giants want you to fall victim to is probaly one of the greatest demises of todays society google ads(lol). Moderation is key while somehow realling in the strong often misdirected impulses ADD/ADHD challenge us with.

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