Dr. Umesh Jain is now exclusively responsible for TotallyADD.com and its content

Re: How in control are we, really?

Re: How in control are we, really?2010-10-04T11:36:26+00:00

The Forums Forums Ask The Community How in control are we, really? Re: How in control are we, really?


Post count: 14413

Hi Nimthiriel!

From my experience, living with another person is very hard, especially when you are in a relationship with them, ADHD or not.

It’s too easy to blame ADHD and the person with it.

Everyone has (perceived) bad habits they need to address in order to get along with the other person. I say ‘perceive’ because what we were brought up thinking is acceptable may be totally unacceptable to someone else.

It’s not always one person’s fault at anything. The trick is to find someone that life is easier with, rather than having to work at the relationship all the time. It gets tired after awhile.

(I’ve lived with four partners longer-term and married two!)

My husband and I are a good fit, have to work on a few things just like everyone else, but it wasn’t as big of a deal as when I was with my other partners. One was a complete disaster and he was also an ADHD person! I had known him as a great friend for many years so it was a shock when we bombed.

I guess what I’m saying is there comes a point at which you may or may not have to realize that the two of you are different and separate types. You may both choose to honor this, accept the differences and work around them or they may just be too much to continuously keep having to revisit.

Also..not to be rude, but it is worth thinking very hard about what you are left with when you take sex out of the equation. Sometimes that can blind you when you are trying to think objectively about the relationship.

‘Why does it bother you that I’m not like you?’

This seems to be at the root of a lot of people’s fights, whether friends, family or strangers!