Re: How in control are we, really?

[Anonymous]

I hear you loud and clear, Nimthiriel. I have been where you are before. Here is what I have learned after fighting.

You can’t do it all at once. Pick one thing that is a problem. Pick a small goal and keep trying to accomplish it. (You will get better as you go along ) You will definitely want to wait until it kinda blows over but not so long that you forget it. Both of you will need to be totally honest about how you feel. If you think someone is insinuating stuff ask them if they mean more than they are saying. Then believe their answer. Voice clearly what you learn and intend to do differently. Ask for the same from your partner. Also apologise to each other. Even if you both know those things spelling them out reinforces it for you and him.

You will have some intense “discussions” with your partner. You will only work through stuff if you and he are committed.

The advice from your psych is what my husband and I have been doing for a while now. It is hard work. But if you keep at it youu will look back someday and be impressed with how far you both have come.

Right now I am fighting emotional outbursts triggered by my birth control pills. We have been working on this for over a year now. I have just in the last month discovered that stress iis a trigger. Sim/ply realizing that is a freeing feeling.

Now I k now where to start. I have found that fruit helps stabilize my moods. I don’t know why and I don’t care. It helps and I’m good with that! I have learned how to try to feel bad for him that he has to deal with my issues – it helps me not be angry with him. I have gotten better at recognizing what is happening when I am so frustrated. I can even tell him sometimes that I am starting to get crazy. When you can get to a place where you can say it before it gets too bad it helps you to keep from getting so lost in the emotion.

My husband had benefitted bdecause he better understan ds me. He is getting better at not taking it personally. He is learning how important his reactions are.

All of this has taken over a year and is not handled yet but I am not so overwhelmed as I was at first. I realized I can only do a little at a time anyway so worrying about how I can fix me isn’t helping.

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