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Re: hypersensibility &add

Re: hypersensibility &add2011-02-20T07:48:49+00:00

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zsazsa is 100% on. i’m the adult child of an alcoholic too, and the crying thing is classic- its a stress response- you deal with horrible stress every single day that most people would fall to pieces under- it just seems normal to you because it is always like that in your home. i feel the same about the guys drinking beer too- i left home 5 years ago, my dad stopped drinking 15 years ago, but i still feel sick when i smell beer on my boyfriends breath (even though i know he has just one beer, maybe a few times a month, and he never gets drunk, or shouts!), and the sounds of a metal bottle-cap unscrewing still makes me panic inside and think “keep quiet. don’t say anything, or look up. just run to your bedroom NOW!”- even though i know its not a whisky bottle but a bottle of soda, or whatever, and that i am safe here. growing up in a stressful environment really can mess up your head, and most of us don’t even realise that it has happened- because we don’t really know what feeling normal or living in a house where people treat each other normally is like.

you might find that there are some online Al-Anon meetings that you could attend, or maybe if you email AA croatia they’ll be able to provide more information about how you could find family groups near to you: apparently their address is aacroatia@gmail.com – they have a website in croatian here (which i can’t read, but maybe you’ll have better luck!): http://www.aahrvatska.hr/

if you can find a psychologist or councellor who understands the sorts of behavioural ADHD, child-of-an-alcoholic and general ‘living in your home’ related challenges you’re dealing with, that’d be brilliant. if not, someone who can work with you on CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy) would also be great- i think thats what your doctor was trying to talk about when he said “pple enjoy to be in some situations but when they dont like it,they change it.”

you’re right, you can’t change how other people behave. but you CAN change how you decide to feel about it, and what you do about it- with a bit of support, learning, and practice. CBT will teach you that your thoughts affect how you feel inside, and that how you feel changes how you behave, and that how you behave changes how you feel inside, and what you think, etc. those three things- the thoughts, feelings, and behaviour- they form a triangle, and if you change one part, it changes the other two. its hard to explain, but you can learn to listen to what you say to yourself in your head, and to change what you say to yourself when you’re thinking, and that’ll help to change how you feel, and then you might find that you start to feel less like crying, and more confident and in control.

it works for me- if you think about it really- if i go around telling myself that i’m completely useless all day every day, very soon i’m going to start to feel pretty sad and miserable, and i’ll probably end up crying, and staying in bed with the blankets over my head- or worse…. but if i can learn to stop myself when i say mean things about myself in my head, and say nicer, more realisitic and helpful things instead- if i can say to myself “you know thats not true, he’s being mean because he is scared, and making you feel small makes him feel big and strong- you’re ok!” when my dad yells, if i try and give myself compliments and focus on what i do well instead of what i don’t do well, if i encourage myself, not just see the negative side of things, etc over and over every day- i’ll start to feel a bit happier very soon, become more confident, and over time i will probably get a lot more done, and succeed much more- because when i beleive in me, other people will too. does that make sense? i hope so. :D

back to your home situation- i know that when i lived with my parents, being in the house was not a nice place to be- not good for my happiness at all. even though you perhaps can’t find a job at the moment, you could probably find a reason to be out of the house and around people who aren’t drunk and shouting at you for a lot of the day. see if you can find somewhere that you can volunteer (help to do something good, without being paid for it)- maybe an animal shelter needs people to play with the kittens, or a school needs someone to help children learn to read, there might be some old people who need help with shopping, housework, cooking, or just someone to talk to or to read the newspaper out loud to them- when you start to look, you might find lots of things that you could be keeping busy with.

doing something like that would not only help to keep you away from the shouting and critisism for a while every day, but it would be good for your confidence- help you to feel good about yourself, and when you’re looking for work, it would show an employer that you are prepared to work hard just because it needs doing- because you care and are motivated (employers like people who work hard and are motivated!)- and it could also give you skills that make you more desireable (working with people’ skills, reading and writing english skills, time management and organising skills)- all sorts of skills that you could use in a job, depending on what you volunteer to do. you might even meet somebody who has a friend or relative who can give you a job, or someone who knows of a good job and who can recommend you! see if you can find a volunteering group near you- churches and community centres are good places to look- and go and get busy doing something that makes you feel good about yourself!

your life can get much better, you just need to give it a little push in the right direction- once you get moving it is much easier to keep going, and after a while everything will start to fit together. :)