February 10, 2011 at 3:21 pm #89138
AnonymousInactiveFebruary 10, 2011 at 3:21 pmPost count: 14413
i m 29yrs old, got ADD and i m also hypersensible. in general, i hate if pple yell on me especially without a reason, i start crying, and my crying lasts for hours. no need to mention how impulsive can i be ,if someone says something “in a wrong way” , i react immediately. pple around me say i have to be stronger, but no one knows how. it is easy to say, but when some situation happens, i dont know how to calm down. i stuck there , and it turns 1.i react impulsive or 2.i start crying. dont have much friends, usually when i try to talk with family/ friends about add ,they say it is only “phase in my life” and i need to learn to control. but how?my doctor said that pple enjoy to be in some situations but when they dont like it,they change it. wtf? i cannot change pple around me, i can only put all them on my ignore lists so i wont be in position to get hurt ,and loneliness is not what i want.REPORT ABUSEFebruary 10, 2011 at 3:58 pm #100454
laddybug3MemberFebruary 10, 2011 at 3:58 pmPost count: 226
music-zg This post made me cry, because I could relate. Something small doesn’t work out it is the end of the world. My mom just don’t understand that I can’t control it. She jokes around telling me I should have sensibility management, instead of anger management. I have gotten better. I can control crying for ten minutes, enough time to go into my room and cry.
Here is the thing, I don’t really tell anyone I have ADD. Sometimes I forget I even have the disorder. I know that sounds bad, but I do.
I did find that knitting sometimes work, if I am not hick-uping crying. You know the light crying that is not full out knowing.
Do you feel a lump in your throat when you are about to cry? I doREPORT ABUSEFebruary 10, 2011 at 4:19 pm #100455
Curlymoe115MemberFebruary 10, 2011 at 4:19 pmPost count: 206
It sounds as though you have a heightened adrenal system and it results in your becoming inconsolable when you are being yelled at. Is it in every situation or more in situations where you are in a position of having to stay and be yelled at. In other words if you are walking down the street and someone yells that you dropped something does this cause this reaction or is it more when you boss starts to yell and criticize you? Does the yelling scare you and you are reacting to the fright with tears of relief or are they angry tears that this person had the nerve to yell at you? Does it happen all the time when someone yells, or do you find that in different situations you are more likely to cry? Telling you to toughen up isn’t helping, instead you need to find out what is causing the problem and then think about what steps to take to avoid situations that you are unable to handle until you tougher mentally.REPORT ABUSEFebruary 12, 2011 at 12:29 am #100456
AnonymousInactiveFebruary 12, 2011 at 12:29 amPost count: 14413
@Curlymoe115 , thank you. well, situations what make me cry are ,for example, my dad comes home drunk , yells ,swears etc. , or someone i know accuses me i did something what i didnt , or people i care about “play” on my feelings, or when my morning starts by critizicizing by my mum ,she starts that without a reason. and yes,yelling scares me, it is like attack on me and in that moment i dont know why is that person behaving like that.one my friend said i m “easy target” for others people problems.
in my opinion, stadiums are place if people want to yell .but at home …no way . i am not in situation moving out from my parents, dont have a job, situation is pretty difficult in my country , so i have to accept the way it is, but i m searching for a job constantly and believe something will come up. but, my concentration, tolerance, imagination, creativity fell down in days when i m sad/crying.cannot find the way to cheer myself up. kinda hard to explain, but last time ,few days ago, i had very rough situation at home ,and i couldnt stop crying for 12 hrs.i stopped but tears were in my eyes, and when no one was looking i cried more.the reason i cried was my dad came home drunk, insulted and yelled on me .and it wasnt my fault. so, yesterday i spent whole day staring at the wall , i couldnt think ,my mind was complete empty ,in the evening my best friend took me out, and i felt like i m not there….he noticed that too , he waved in front of my face, but my mind was somewhere else.didnt even blink
today was little bit better, i went to organization where i volunteer , pretended everything was okay, fake smile on my face, can say i can pretend very good ,pple dont see what is under “the mask”.but now, i still have tears in my eyes, coz i know those situations will happen again. and i dont know how to block feelings, or switch off in my head when it happens again.that crying..ruins my whole week.need 10 days or more to “recover” ,one thing pushes another , if i m upset -cannot eat , etc.
@laddybug3 , sorry my post made u cry, <3 <3 hugs for you now and what you said “Something small doesn’t work out it is the end of the world.” -completely same here .especially when i m trying hard & doing my best to do somethingREPORT ABUSEFebruary 12, 2011 at 2:13 am #100457
AnonymousInactiveFebruary 12, 2011 at 2:13 amPost count: 14413
I just stumbled across your post and read it and I made a few personal connections to it. I grew up in a very unstable home situation where I had a dad who often came home drunk (or became drunk at home while drinking his weekend away). Not a pleasant home situation to grow up in, especially when I had the ADHD to deal with along with the other stuff.
I thought I had done a super job of handling things and managing well emotionally as I grew up, married, and moved away. Huh! Was I WRONG! All I had done was push all my feeling deep inside, without having dealt with any of the issues that had caused them. I had no self-esteem, no confidence in my abiliites (despite being tested and found to be very bright), and was afraid of causing any sort of conflict.
I hated to hear any kind of yelling (especially at me!), so I would do anything I could to avoid it. That included accepting job assignments that I hated, and going along with what everyone else wanted to do (hey, “don’t rock the boat” was my motto) even if I hated their plans.
What am I trying to say? Well, to make a long story a lot shorter, I went through a pretty horrific period of illness/surgery and during that time things came to a head. With all the stress of my health issues, I knew I had to do something to deal with my ADHD issues.
I knew dealing with that would take some stress out of my life and that could only help with my physical health. (Everything out there says that stress is a major cause of a lot of physical illness and I was dealing with life and death issues. I needed to be more proactive to keep myself around here a bit longer. )
Anyway, I decided to see a psychologist because of crying issues (caused just by driving by a hospital I had first been admitted to) and lo and behold I discovered it all boiled down to growing up in the home of an alcoholic. Try looking up books on Adult Children of Alcoholics. I have a book that I picked up and it described the various different ‘roles’ we adopt while we are still children in our feeble attempts to deal with the uncertainty we face as we grow up. I think you might find that this could be causing some of your problems, too. (your hypersensibility or perhaps hypersensitivity?)
I’m very ‘sensitive’ to any criticism of any kind. Yessiree, and most of it is due to the turmoil I faced while growing up with a drunk father who was always looking for any little mistake to crucify you for making. Knowing what caused me to react that way (my upbringing and a critical dad who couldn’t ever be pleased) has been liberating. I’ve learned how to move on and take control over MY life.
Hang in there! If your crying jags are causing you issues, talk to someone who can help you work through the issues that are causing them. Being sensitive is one thing but being so sensitive that it intrudes upon your life and ability to function is another. There are reasons for your reactions and there are ways to move up and beyond!REPORT ABUSEFebruary 12, 2011 at 6:12 am #100458
AnonymousInactiveFebruary 12, 2011 at 6:12 amPost count: 14413
Hi Music ZG…………. it sounds like your having a real hard time. Sorry…… Music ZG, I don’t usually give advice but….. if you are in an alcoholic environment I encourage you or anyone that finds themselves in an alcohol abuse environment get to an Al-Anon group as soon as possible……..as soon as possible, do not hesitate. There is assistance there.. You can find them by googling Al-anon and the area you live in. If I read your post wrong I apologize….. I do. If I read it right….. do not procrastinate…… seek assistance immediately.
toofatREPORT ABUSEFebruary 13, 2011 at 12:32 am #100459
AnonymousInactiveFebruary 13, 2011 at 12:32 amPost count: 14413
hey zsazsa ) <3 omg many thx , your life is like copy of mine (only difference is i m not married yet, actually ,some part of me doesnt want to have serious relationship , i m afraid of it) .whenever i see a guy drinking beer or some alcohol ,i put him on ignore list ….
and i also had some surgeries , i know it is caused by stress. will search for book , thx thx! and ty for a such a great post, i need to find the way how to deal with all this what is happening. i hope book will help me ,coz doctors here are weird , i still havent found some good psychiatrist , all of them said i need to move out from my home and be stronger.and that was it. no advice how to react when situation happens.REPORT ABUSEFebruary 14, 2011 at 9:21 pm #100460
AnonymousInactiveFebruary 14, 2011 at 9:21 pmPost count: 14413
@toofat ..unfortunately there is no Al-Anon group in my country (REPORT ABUSEFebruary 14, 2011 at 10:43 pm #100461
AnonymousInactiveFebruary 14, 2011 at 10:43 pmPost count: 14413
Gee that is unfortunate music zg…. I don’t have any experience with this group but there is an Al-Anon group on the internet. I checked it out……it came up using….Internet Al-Anon. Maybe there is some assistance there for you…… I don’t know what country your from soooo…..sorry ????? There is also a site for Adult children of Alcoholics……… that may be a good source for you.
As I said I encourage you to find support for your situation…… and as quickly as possible. I wish you well….. strength is something we all have….. sometimes we need a hand to understand, and tap into it!!!
best wishes Music ZG………
toofatREPORT ABUSEFebruary 15, 2011 at 11:57 pm #100462
AnonymousInactiveFebruary 15, 2011 at 11:57 pmPost count: 14413
hey:) i live in croatia.and yes i googled for a site and i found book “The Complete ACOA Sourcebook: Adult Children of Alcoholics at Home, at Work and in Love” , will buy it these days thx toofat & zsazsa <3REPORT ABUSEFebruary 16, 2011 at 1:33 am #100463
AnonymousInactiveFebruary 16, 2011 at 1:33 amPost count: 14413
Music_zg, I don’t know that you are a person of faith, nor is it my business, but I am, so I will pray for you–I hope you don’t mind. I feel deeply for you in your situation. I had a friend who came from a similar situation as you. I hope you can find people near you to help you or at least support you. Know that you have friends here at this site! My children used to cry long and spiral into a panic mode. Since I am ADD myself, I understood what they were going thru. Finally I figured out for my son that if I wrapped him tightly in a blanket and held him he would calm down enough to begin to think clearly again. Then I could read him a favorite book and THEN we could talk about what had happened. Now, when he can tell he’s going to get upset, he wraps himself in a blanket and grabs an old familiar book to help himself calm down–maybe something simple like this would help you? We all have sensory integration issues so we are beginning to find things that help us to calm down physically when we get upset, then we can work on the problem that started it all! I pray that you find a job soon and can perhaps move out into a place of your own. Best of luck.REPORT ABUSEFebruary 16, 2011 at 10:46 pm #100464
AnonymousInactiveFebruary 16, 2011 at 10:46 pmPost count: 14413
thanx fidgit4 , i ve read your post few times, you managed to cheer me up , ty <3 and u r so nice mum, full of understanding )REPORT ABUSEFebruary 16, 2011 at 11:24 pm #100465
AnonymousInactiveFebruary 16, 2011 at 11:24 pmPost count: 14413
Hi music_zg………..Croatia…wonderful, beautiful country. I’m so glad you found a resource. Understanding the disease and the effect on the family and where you fit is key, I wish you well. I understand that person’s living in an alcoholic environment have a hard time what with all the confusion, denial and managing the alcoholic “secret”…… I can only say this….” there are many people out here who know”!!!
Be well……. you have the strength…. understanding is empowering.
Support is always here…
toofatREPORT ABUSEFebruary 19, 2011 at 11:35 pm #100466
AnonymousInactiveFebruary 19, 2011 at 11:35 pmPost count: 14413
music_zg, thanx for your reply to my post. You have a heart of gold and your reply gave me a little boost on a difficult day! Prayers continue for you and your situation. Hang in there!REPORT ABUSEFebruary 20, 2011 at 7:48 am #100467
AnonymousInactiveFebruary 20, 2011 at 7:48 amPost count: 14413
zsazsa is 100% on. i’m the adult child of an alcoholic too, and the crying thing is classic- its a stress response- you deal with horrible stress every single day that most people would fall to pieces under- it just seems normal to you because it is always like that in your home. i feel the same about the guys drinking beer too- i left home 5 years ago, my dad stopped drinking 15 years ago, but i still feel sick when i smell beer on my boyfriends breath (even though i know he has just one beer, maybe a few times a month, and he never gets drunk, or shouts!), and the sounds of a metal bottle-cap unscrewing still makes me panic inside and think “keep quiet. don’t say anything, or look up. just run to your bedroom NOW!”- even though i know its not a whisky bottle but a bottle of soda, or whatever, and that i am safe here. growing up in a stressful environment really can mess up your head, and most of us don’t even realise that it has happened- because we don’t really know what feeling normal or living in a house where people treat each other normally is like.
you might find that there are some online Al-Anon meetings that you could attend, or maybe if you email AA croatia they’ll be able to provide more information about how you could find family groups near to you: apparently their address is firstname.lastname@example.org – they have a website in croatian here (which i can’t read, but maybe you’ll have better luck!): http://www.aahrvatska.hr/
if you can find a psychologist or councellor who understands the sorts of behavioural ADHD, child-of-an-alcoholic and general ‘living in your home’ related challenges you’re dealing with, that’d be brilliant. if not, someone who can work with you on CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy) would also be great- i think thats what your doctor was trying to talk about when he said “pple enjoy to be in some situations but when they dont like it,they change it.”
you’re right, you can’t change how other people behave. but you CAN change how you decide to feel about it, and what you do about it- with a bit of support, learning, and practice. CBT will teach you that your thoughts affect how you feel inside, and that how you feel changes how you behave, and that how you behave changes how you feel inside, and what you think, etc. those three things- the thoughts, feelings, and behaviour- they form a triangle, and if you change one part, it changes the other two. its hard to explain, but you can learn to listen to what you say to yourself in your head, and to change what you say to yourself when you’re thinking, and that’ll help to change how you feel, and then you might find that you start to feel less like crying, and more confident and in control.
it works for me- if you think about it really- if i go around telling myself that i’m completely useless all day every day, very soon i’m going to start to feel pretty sad and miserable, and i’ll probably end up crying, and staying in bed with the blankets over my head- or worse…. but if i can learn to stop myself when i say mean things about myself in my head, and say nicer, more realisitic and helpful things instead- if i can say to myself “you know thats not true, he’s being mean because he is scared, and making you feel small makes him feel big and strong- you’re ok!” when my dad yells, if i try and give myself compliments and focus on what i do well instead of what i don’t do well, if i encourage myself, not just see the negative side of things, etc over and over every day- i’ll start to feel a bit happier very soon, become more confident, and over time i will probably get a lot more done, and succeed much more- because when i beleive in me, other people will too. does that make sense? i hope so.
back to your home situation- i know that when i lived with my parents, being in the house was not a nice place to be- not good for my happiness at all. even though you perhaps can’t find a job at the moment, you could probably find a reason to be out of the house and around people who aren’t drunk and shouting at you for a lot of the day. see if you can find somewhere that you can volunteer (help to do something good, without being paid for it)- maybe an animal shelter needs people to play with the kittens, or a school needs someone to help children learn to read, there might be some old people who need help with shopping, housework, cooking, or just someone to talk to or to read the newspaper out loud to them- when you start to look, you might find lots of things that you could be keeping busy with.
doing something like that would not only help to keep you away from the shouting and critisism for a while every day, but it would be good for your confidence- help you to feel good about yourself, and when you’re looking for work, it would show an employer that you are prepared to work hard just because it needs doing- because you care and are motivated (employers like people who work hard and are motivated!)- and it could also give you skills that make you more desireable (working with people’ skills, reading and writing english skills, time management and organising skills)- all sorts of skills that you could use in a job, depending on what you volunteer to do. you might even meet somebody who has a friend or relative who can give you a job, or someone who knows of a good job and who can recommend you! see if you can find a volunteering group near you- churches and community centres are good places to look- and go and get busy doing something that makes you feel good about yourself!
your life can get much better, you just need to give it a little push in the right direction- once you get moving it is much easier to keep going, and after a while everything will start to fit together.REPORT ABUSE
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