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Re: I just had an epiphamy

Re: I just had an epiphamy2012-08-30T16:18:01+00:00

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Pulling over is the right thing to do. Which reminds me of a parenting class that my wife and I took several years ago called Love and Logic.

Love and Logic has some great ways to deal with the kid riot in the back of the car. The premise of their parenting system is to give the kids logical consequences, but at the same time empathize with them. It works especially well if you are going somewhere the kids want to go. After you have pulled over, instead of saying “if you don’t be quite, we are not going”, just pull over and sit there. When the kids ask why you are stopped, tell them that you know how much they really want to go to x, and you are just as disappointed as them, but you are so stressed by all the noise, that you need to go home and rest. Then go home and rest. They’ll figure it out, and instead of blaming you; they’ll will understand that they were responsible for not going.

Given the natural tendency of kids (and adults) with ADHD to blame others when there are problems, this system stops you from always being the bad guy. It subtly shifts responsibility back to the kids. My daughter was about eleven when we started using Love and Logic. She was a little frustrated at first and couldn’t figure out what was going on. We were giving her no opportunity to shift her anger toward us, but still giving her consequences for her actions. I wish we had started using this system earlier.