Re: I'm An Adult With ADHD and my 4 Year-Old Is Showing Symptoms

[Anonymous]

Hi Bryan – my son is not small now – he just turned 13. So I have the benefit of hindsight in what I tell you. My son was diagnosed when he was 7, and then so was I (It is often the case with adults with ADHD that they are diagnosed when their child is). We had him assessed after a terrible year at school, where he failed to learn to read like all the other kids and the teacher said it was our fault. He also has a learning disability called dysgraphia (he can’t physically write). He has been on medication for the ADD since he was 8.

It is hard to assess a very young child, but you can still get them assessed quite young, by the time they are 5 or 6. It is such a good thing to be able to diagnose kids young, and even medicated young. I am just awestruck by the difference in my son at this age compared to how I was. I was doing terribly in school, my parents and teachers were very frustrated with me, I thought I was an idiot since I forgot and lost everything – it is an old story. And even though I am quite successful today, the mental messages I carry from my childhood, telling me that I am not good enough and stupid still very much stick with me.

My son never got those messages. He doesn’t get yelled at for forgetting stuff. Here’s just a tiny example: every single day, when he comes home from school, he takes off his coat and just drops it on the floor. And every single day, I say calmly, “Hang up your coat.” I don’t say, “Oh for pete’s sake, you dropped your coat again! Where is your brain? Hang it up already! I’m sick and tired of having to tell you that every single day! Why can’t you remember?!” Because I know why he can’t remember.

His teachers check his agenda to see that he’s written everything down. He has an ipad (that the agenda is on) for school, and every time he gets an assignment, he photographs it and emails a copy to me, then promptly loses the piece of paper it was on. He is supported and has developed coping strategies. He gets all As and Bs at school. And, best of all, he is filled with self-confidence. He knows he is smart and capable and that the ADD is just a part of who he is, and a manageable part. He is so much happier and confident and successful than I was at the same age that it makes me want to cry, both for what he has and for what I lost by never having that.

Your son is incredibly lucky he has you because you will do much more than be there for him. You will make sure he doesn’t get those negative messages you got. You will make sure he gets diagnosed as soon as possible and will be supported by his school and will go on medication the moment you feel it might help him and you will be able to accurately assess if it is helping him. You will be able to help him have a great life.

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