I'm An Adult With ADHD and my 4 Year-Old Is Showing Symptoms

[Anonymous]

Hey there… I’m new to the forums, but I wanted to see if there are any other ADHD parents out there who have small children who are also showing symptoms of ADHD…

It’s sad sometimes when I see my son show symptoms of ADHD b/c I know how difficult it was for me growing up with it (and being undiagnosed)… I’m on medication to help control my ADHD, but I’m wondering if that’s something to consider for my son.

I love my son so much and in some ways, I think it’s cool that I’ll be there to help him cope with stuff in ways that other adults might not be able to relate to, but at the same time, I’m wondering if there is anything that I can do to help him besides just being there for him.

Thanks for any input.

Bryan

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[Anonymous]

Everyone is different. Even if your son turns out to have ADHD, he may not respond to the same treatment that works for you. That being said, remember that he will do a lot better if he learns the proper skills early in life instead of later on. If he’s struggling, you should definitely seek help. If he’s not, then you definitely do not need to stress out about it. Take comfort in the knowledge that you have gained and know that it’s available if and when you need it.

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[kc5jck]

Bryan – I completely understand your concern. First learn as much as you can about how ADHD manifests itself. (I’m sure you already know much of what I’m going to say, but I’ll say it anyway.) Everyone is different. Don’t think that he has ADHD just because you see some of the behaviors of ADHD. As he gets older, I suspect behaviors will get worse and become more or get less and perhaps go away.

I recognized a lack of attention and focus in my son, relative to his sister, before he was out of the crib. If you’re really tuned into your son and are familiar with the many faces of ADHD, you will know. You just will. And don’t be easily convinced otherwise.

Start now and keep a diary of you son’s behavior, especially those you see as ADHD related. Mention your concerns with your pediatrician and find a pediatrician who treats ADHD to evaluate you son if indicated. The diary will be quite useful for the evaluation. Also talk with other caregivers to get their impressions.

I don’t know, but I would guess that ADHD would be hard to detect/diagnose in a kid younger than three or four. I suspect there is a lot of variability. “Mental milestone” charts against which to compare your son should be useful.

My son did not get diagnosed until he was 20. So from first grade through high school and two years of college, as Barkley might say, “he had been unavailable to learn” for much of the time.

I’m sure you’ll get at least a few more responses. (Most probably better than mine.) Good luck.

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[Anonymous]

Hi Bryan – my son is not small now – he just turned 13. So I have the benefit of hindsight in what I tell you. My son was diagnosed when he was 7, and then so was I (It is often the case with adults with ADHD that they are diagnosed when their child is). We had him assessed after a terrible year at school, where he failed to learn to read like all the other kids and the teacher said it was our fault. He also has a learning disability called dysgraphia (he can’t physically write). He has been on medication for the ADD since he was 8.

It is hard to assess a very young child, but you can still get them assessed quite young, by the time they are 5 or 6. It is such a good thing to be able to diagnose kids young, and even medicated young. I am just awestruck by the difference in my son at this age compared to how I was. I was doing terribly in school, my parents and teachers were very frustrated with me, I thought I was an idiot since I forgot and lost everything – it is an old story. And even though I am quite successful today, the mental messages I carry from my childhood, telling me that I am not good enough and stupid still very much stick with me.

My son never got those messages. He doesn’t get yelled at for forgetting stuff. Here’s just a tiny example: every single day, when he comes home from school, he takes off his coat and just drops it on the floor. And every single day, I say calmly, “Hang up your coat.” I don’t say, “Oh for pete’s sake, you dropped your coat again! Where is your brain? Hang it up already! I’m sick and tired of having to tell you that every single day! Why can’t you remember?!” Because I know why he can’t remember.

His teachers check his agenda to see that he’s written everything down. He has an ipad (that the agenda is on) for school, and every time he gets an assignment, he photographs it and emails a copy to me, then promptly loses the piece of paper it was on. He is supported and has developed coping strategies. He gets all As and Bs at school. And, best of all, he is filled with self-confidence. He knows he is smart and capable and that the ADD is just a part of who he is, and a manageable part. He is so much happier and confident and successful than I was at the same age that it makes me want to cry, both for what he has and for what I lost by never having that.

Your son is incredibly lucky he has you because you will do much more than be there for him. You will make sure he doesn’t get those negative messages you got. You will make sure he gets diagnosed as soon as possible and will be supported by his school and will go on medication the moment you feel it might help him and you will be able to accurately assess if it is helping him. You will be able to help him have a great life.

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[Anonymous]

Four eh……that stage is mostly about socialization and attachment and separation (key elements of development), and developing a view of self. parents, and the world. Those are the skills learned at that age and they follow you through your life…..your whole life.

There is a course called Systematic Training for Effective Parenting, it is the best (absolute best) parenting course I’ve ever seen or participated in……ADD children or otherwise. There is a course for the early ages (where you are) and one for teens…both are probably (in my view)….the best thing a parent can do. You can look them up on-line……..

Toofat

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