Re: Impulse control, how do you get a handle on it

[Anonymous]

hey MelissaTex, I was wondering if you have ever thought about just accepting the guy for who he is along with his habits & not say anything when you notice him doing it? From your original post, it looks like you have a problem with him surfing porn & when you “catch him” you confront him & then have these arguments. Surfing porn may not be acceptable to you but it sounds like something he is into & you probably will not change that. If you truly are stuck with him & the arguments over it are driving you towards suicide, wouldn’t your life be much better if you just didn’t fight over it? I’m not one for porn myself but I do know that it is an extremely lucrative business with many people (millions?) who surf it, even priests apparently. I’m not saying you have to like it or that it is acceptable. I am suggesting that you just get over his porn addiction & leave him alone about it.

My experience shows that it takes two people to have a fight. STOP FIGHTING! You already seem to know that confronting him gets a fight going & in his eyes, you are the one who is instigating the fight. You are attacking him & making him feel bad about what he is doing. The lies, excuses & cover ups are his way of protecting himself from your attacks (from his perception). Find a way where he gets to do his porn & you or your mom are not exposed to it. Maybe a computer in a room where the monitor is hidden when you walk in & when you do go in there, don’t try to see what he is up to. Just let it be. Of course, your better alternative is to kick him out but you already eliminated it as an option.

Just like some ADHD’rs get a rush from driving too fast or climbing mountains, some get the rush from a good argument. It gets your heart pumping & the adrenaline going just like other activities & provides the brain with the satisfaction that it’s looking for. It can even give you a buzz that lasts for days as you think about it again & again. It’s an easy buzz too & the brain knows it. That’s why it creates or seeks out the type of situation that gets a good argument going. I suggest finding other ways to satisfy your brain. Maybe exercise & meditation might be a good place to start along with positive affirmations.

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