Re: Impulse control, how do you get a handle on it

[Anonymous]

I responded to the post because I have a lot of experience with the self absorbed (narcissistic) & have battled with them for many years. No matter what you do, you cannot win against these people. They suck the life energy out of you, leave you confused & frustrated, even suicidal. I have been there & I survived. At one time, I wrongly thought that I could fix them, get them to see the light & end the constant battle but I learned that it can’t be done. You can’t fix these people & attempting to do so will only drag you further into hell. The only way that I could end the battle fully was to fully dis-engage & not participate in the battle. I had to quit fighting. Ya, I was fighting back, protecting myself but at the same time, trying to get them to see my side. Regardless of the reason why I was fighting, I was still fighting. I had to choose not to fight. It takes a lot of inner strength to say your right, I’m sorry & just walk away (especially when you don’t mean it).

I also learned that I had to build my inner strength. I had to accept responsibility for my own thoughts running around inside my head. Sure, people can say stuff to you but you get to decide what is real & what isn’t. Whatever you think you are, you are. If you start telling yourself that you are a good person, after a while, you will start believing it & the more you say it, the quicker it comes. Once you get strong enough, the words from the other person start to lose their meaning & you no longer beat yourself up over what they said. Their words become blah blah blah.

The fights that developed were always 2 sided & when I chose to not fight, they did not develop into fights. I took a couple shots & it was over quick. In my first post I said it was 2 sided & I never assessed the blame to either one of you. I did say that from “his perception” you were instigating or “attacking him” but that is only from his view only. Sure, he asked you to monitor him but he was setting you up so that you actually get to start the fight for him. I did not place the blame on you but did acknowledge your part in it.

As for the dog, he could be the sweetest kindest dog until he gets his bone & just want to protect that bone. Why not just leave the dog alone with his bone? Oh wait I brought up the dog again so now I’m an abusive guy. Actually quite the opposite. I try to live in peace with those around me & have been quite successful with that. I have been happily married for nearly 20 years with NO domestic violence. I also have 2 teenagers that I get along with pretty well. Yes, there are things I could fight with them over but I choose to let it go, to let them be. My boys are turning out (so far) to be much better young men than I ever was without imposing strict rule over them. They have decided to be good kids, I didn’t force them to be. Yes, I can fight & I can be pretty nasty when I want or have to be but for the most part, I avoid fighting, sniping & nagging.

As for your man, I do not support him in any way & I’m not on his side. I could hurl a few insults about him if that makes you feel better but that won’t do anything except maybe provide some ammo for you. I don’t see how that would solve your problem though. from what I was reading, you need help to get your head right. Getting your inner strength, learning about yourself is your absolute best protection from this guy (best cause you choose to stay). I say this because it is what worked for me & helped me keep my sanity. Once you get your head straight, it reduces their power. It’s just advise & you can choose to do whatever you want with it.

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