Re: Is it just me… Weird phobias.

[Misswho23]

When I was a teenager I developed agoraphobia. I haven’t had any problems with it for a long time. There is also social phobia which ties in with agoraphobia.

Basically I think it was a co morbidity of the ADHD being undiagnosed. People who know me now can hardly believe that I would get such bad panic attacks in social situations that I didn’t leave the house literally for 6 months. My mom took me to all sorts of shrinks who just couldn’t pin point the problem. Kept saying it was depression. Couldn’t figure out why I couldn’t get anywhere on time. Well that’s hard if you can’t leave the house with out two hours of preparation time. Duh! And at school if anyone would look in my direction it would send me into panic and on my way home. I think lots of teasing and really low self esteem from having trouble in school not being undiagnosed with ADD lead to the panic. You reach a point where you just break down.

So I finally reached a point where I thought I could return to school. I took a psych class my junior year of high school. I was really interested in psychiatry, well in part because all of the ones my mother took me to couldn’t figure me out. Other than saying I was depressed. Well you would be to if it took you forever to do your school work still got it wrong and everyone kept telling you how weird you were.

So anyway we had to do a report on mental disorders. Such as bi polar, schizophrenia or a phobia. Well my detective light bulb went off at phobias so I checked out a book from the library. Didn’t have anything related to spiders, small spaces, flying or clowns. (I once worked with someone who had the clown thing) Read about agoraphobia and went wow! Ok so I have a name for it. I’m not nuts and apparently there are steps you can take to over come this. Now how all the shrinks could not put it together is beyond me. So I took the Paxil they tried to put me on threw it back at them. It made me a bit on the edgy side. Told them I diagnosed myself (I know we should never do that). I also said it was really a pleasure full of a waste of time going over my childhood trauma but I would be taking matters into my own hands. That I think was the first time I was really able to empower myself and advocate for myself.

So I practiced going outside. Encountering people. Doing what I had to like sitting on the aisle, knowing were the exit was. And staying out for short periods of time to start with. Focusing only on getting to where I was supposed to go. Ah, hyper focus. To a point that I could block out people and what I though they were thinking. Turns out no one really cares. And eventually got a social life again. And to boot took up middle eastern dance and started doing festival performances with a dance troupe. Pretty good for someone who didn’t leave the house for 6 months.

Today about the only thing close is travel anxiety. I always think I will leave something home I will need. My friends often play a game of thinking of some weird random thing while we are vacationing. I usually have it. Like detergent packets you can use in a sink to do laundry. You never know if you won’t have laundry facilities that work. But got the wine stain out of my friends favorite top.

Travel size of everything. And I have an amazing ability to pack a months with of stuff and clothes in to a carryon and have never had to pay the over the limit weight fee for baggage.

I do things a little differntly but it’s called survival. And I might as well have some fun along the way.

I always say if life gives you lemons then put some whiskey in that glass and just sit back and rock on the porch a spell.

Even If I don’t drink the whiskey now. I take the Adderall instead.

REPORT ABUSE