This is exactly (well, from what I can remember today) how I feel like:
Oh, so this is what it’s like for everyone else!” It was really rather upsetting to find out that life could have been quite a bit different for me if this option had been available to me years earlier (AND if I had tried it). By saying it was upsetting to me, it was because I realized that much of my emotional baggage caused by the endless chastisement I’d had over the years for my ‘behaviour’ need never have happened! I’m sure you’ve heard it said ‘If I could just turn back the hands of time….’ Wouldn’t we all do some things differently?
My biggest regret is knowing I had it and never doing anything about it. I was on Ritalin way back in 1995 ( I only remember the year because I bought a green Nissan Sentra SE-R that year). I was high on the stuff. The doc at the time maybe had no clue. Was doing 160km/h++ on highway 9 near dufferin. The car was starting to go sideways. All i knew is I wanted to kill myself. Please let me die, that’s all I could think of… Was diagnosed with ADD and Klienfelters…. I was a mess. My first marriage failed soon after. Changed careers AGAIN…. i figured KS was much more serious than ADD, so I’ve treated that for the last 15 years. In hindsight, I should have treated both. If only I knew. Why didn’t somebody tell me….. Fast forward 15 years.. I’m still here. Still kickin… still messed up inside… a little more controlled now…. I wish my current spouse (#2) could understand how i feel… I’m just rambling now…