Dr. Umesh Jain
is now exclusively responsible
for TotallyADD.com
and its content
Dr. Umesh Jain is now exclusively responsible for TotallyADD.com and its content

The Forums Forums Emotional Journey Is It Just Me? It only took me 47 years to figure out why!

Viewing 15 posts - 16 through 30 (of 37 total)
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  • Fearwidg
    Participant
    #91601 |

    Sorry I haven’t checked back here for a while.

    Manny. So glad my story helped. Hope you share how your diagnosis goes.

    Mike – you are SO right about “the ripple effect.” A film believer in that myself.

    Elizabeth & ZsaZsa – well put… and SO true.

    Cheers all,

    GN

    Anonymous
    Inactive
    #91602 |

    This is exactly (well, from what I can remember today) how I feel like:

    <snip>

    Oh, so this is what it’s like for everyone else!” It was really rather upsetting to find out that life could have been quite a bit different for me if this option had been available to me years earlier (AND if I had tried it). By saying it was upsetting to me, it was because I realized that much of my emotional baggage caused by the endless chastisement I’d had over the years for my ‘behaviour’ need never have happened! I’m sure you’ve heard it said ‘If I could just turn back the hands of time….’ Wouldn’t we all do some things differently?

    <snip>

    My biggest regret is knowing I had it and never doing anything about it. I was on Ritalin way back in 1995 ( I only remember the year because I bought a green Nissan Sentra SE-R that year). I was high on the stuff. The doc at the time maybe had no clue. Was doing 160km/h++ on highway 9 near dufferin. The car was starting to go sideways. All i knew is I wanted to kill myself. Please let me die, that’s all I could think of… Was diagnosed with ADD and Klienfelters…. I was a mess. My first marriage failed soon after. Changed careers AGAIN…. i figured KS was much more serious than ADD, so I’ve treated that for the last 15 years. In hindsight, I should have treated both. If only I knew. Why didn’t somebody tell me….. Fast forward 15 years.. I’m still here. Still kickin… still messed up inside… a little more controlled now…. I wish my current spouse (#2) could understand how i feel… I’m just rambling now…

    ADDled
    Member
    #91603 |

    Sorry to hijack your posts, but what you are feeling is not untypical of those of us who have been recently diagnosed. Yep, our lives for the most part looks like a train wreck, but look on the positive side. You now know…and that, my friend, is half the battle. You are in a position to enact some powerful changes that will affect the REST of your life. Right now.

    I used to ruminate on all my baggage and how “if I only knew” or ‘why didn’t someone tell me earlier” and I found it was burning up energy I could use to dig my way out.

    Actually, you caught me on a good day. Still have bad days. A lot. But fewer now…I keep telling myself “This, too, shall pass” And I was never able to tell myself that before.

    There is a lot of help out there. (I know, because I have been a “consumer” most of my life). Do what ever you need to do, whether counseling through Family Services, or your Doctor, a priest, reverend, rabbi, imam or shaman. There’s us, too. We have all been through it, or are going through it. And why I do it is because I KNOW things are gonna change. For the better.

    Hope this helps….

    Fearwidg
    Participant
    #91604 |

    Well put, ADDled.

    He’s right abslt0. We’ve all gone through what you’re going through, and – no point in denying it – it DOES tear you up at first.

    When I was somewhere around 12 – 14, my tics got so bad my parents took me to a psychiatrist (because “Our son refuses to stop this foolishness”).

    The Doctor spent an hour with me, said something was wrong, but he could definitely help.

    As soon as we left the office my parents response was, “Did you hear THAT? Now if you don’t stop this foolish head-twitching, you’ll end up in there with the rest of the loonies.”

    Nice, eh?

    My tic stopped right there and then.

    Why? Because what I didn’t know at the time was – Tourettes tics change all the time. So “my Tourettes’ brain” simply traded the visible head-flick to an invisible cheek-chewing, out of sight – INSIDE my mouth (I still have the scars).

    My parents thought they’d “scared me straight.” They had not.

    And when I think back and realize – I had actually SEEN a psychiatrist who KNEW something was wrong and could have HELPED me…

    Well, I’d be lying if I didn’t say, “It still hurts.”

    All those wasted decades…

    BUT…

    As ADDled says, the point is – WE KNOW NOW.

    We’re taking action to control this thing NOW.

    As I remind myself everyday … “I ain’t dead yet.” <g>

    And as long as you have breath in your body, their are always possibilities.

    YOU ARE NOT ALONE.

    Anonymous
    Inactive
    #91605 |

    Thanks for all your words of encouragement. Since my wife doesn’t get it, or maybe she does and just can’t deal with yet another one of my ‘issues” since I’m just a ‘dumb lazy ass’ (nice huh). I’ll make good use of this list to ramble, brainstorm or just to try and get my thoughts out. I find its easier to email or out my words on virtual paper than to deal face to face. F-to-F I freeze and cant get the words to come out…and if they do, they’re all jumbled.. I mean, I know I can speak… under pressure though, i open my mouth and ….nothing

    Drives me crazy. A least now I know that I’m really not crazy…..

    Having said that, can anyone recommend an ADD specialist in the Toronto area? I was last diagnosed… years ago. I’m sure methods have changed and they’re now able to determine the severity. I’d really like to know how fcuked up I am…and the ringing in my ears…it’s gotta stop.

    Fearwidg
    Participant
    #91606 |

    abslt0.

    YOU ARE NOT A “LAZY DUMB ASS.”

    As a matter of fact, I’d bet money you’re highly intelligent. Probably TOO intelligent (that’s why your mouth can’t keep up with your brain <vbg).

    If you don’t already have it, buy “You Mean I’m Not Lazy, Stupid or Crazy?! A Self-Help Book for Adults with Attention Deficit Disorder” (Paperback) by Kate Kelly & Peggy Ramundo (whom I’ve met and talked with.)

    Amazon has the book from 0.18 cents up:

    http://www.amazon.com/Stupid-Self-Help-Attention-Deficit-Disorder/dp/0684815311

    Read it, then give it to your wife. <g>

    Or…

    Ask her to read the next post <g>

    Re communicating by post vs face-to-face.

    Yup. I found the same thing when I first discovered I might have ADD.

    At the time (’95) there was a forum similar to this on Compuserve. I went there religiously.

    The people on that forum saved my life.

    This forum is better (we just have to lean on Rick to get us a “chat room” where we can meet on a regular basis and I.M. each other).

    Why do forums work so well for us Swans?

    Well, I think it’s because our limited attention span forces us to cut to the heart of the matter when we have to type.

    I made many friends on that long-ago Compuserve forum. Several are still friends to this day.

    Just know that – when you are ready – being in a room with a bunch of other Swans isn’t terrifying, it’s extraordinary!

    Listening to someone talk about a personal experience others might consider “nuts,” then looking around and seeing EVERYONE in the room nodding their understanding and agreement is LIBERATING.

    And if you want to listen, but don’t want to talk … don’t talk. <g>

    We Swans have all been through it and “get it.”

    Must get back to work.

    Cheers till next time,

    GN

    PS: Re Doctors in the Toronto area… Think I should leave that up to Dr. J. and Rick (though my own is a Toronto Doc {and I live 2 hours N.W.}).

    Fearwidg
    Participant
    #91607 |

    Dear abslt0’s wife.

    Your husband is NOT Lazy, Crazy or Stupid.

    He is actually very intelligent, but suffers from ADD (as do so many of us on this forum).

    The problem is – his brain works so fast, he can’t keep up with his thoughts.

    BUT…

    There are many medications now available that can help him “leash his demons” without becoming “a vegetable”, or “a Zombie.”

    And he gets to keep his ADD “gift of Hyper-Focus.”

    It will take a good doctor, and – possibly – several med trials to find what’s right for HIM.

    And it’s not as simple as taking a pill and “you’re cured.”

    But once his Brain Chemistry Imbalance is looked after, it’s like putting glasses on his mind. He will begin to see clearly and with help from his Doctor and – more importantly – you, he can begin the hard work of correcting the problems of his past and starting a whole new life in his control.

    I know what I’m talking about.

    This is exactly what happened to me.

    I sincerely wish both of you the best future you can possibly have.

    Cheers till next time,

    GN

    Anonymous
    Inactive
    #91608 |

    Fearwidg:

    Thank-you for the perfectly worded letter to mrs. abslt0 <g>.

    Anonymous
    Inactive
    #91609 |

    Ultimaxim: I just read your post.. You wrote <snip> I have little to no reading retention or comprehension. Sorry <snip>

    Boy does THAT sound familiar. I’m fully aware of the reading retention….or inattention. I have to read the same page half a dozen times before I finally get it. I’m so exhausted afterwards….but I had NO IDEA that reading comprehension was part of it.

    Has anyone else experienced this?

    Fearwidg
    Participant
    #91610 |

    Yup.

    Absolute hell in school. I remember sitting in front of an Algebra book, reading and re-reading the same text over and over again – for FOUR HOURS.

    Never got off the first page. Couldn’t remember anything.

    (Sidebar: A nephew with ADD actually TIED himself to a chair for 4 hours so he could study. Same results as me!)

    BUT…

    If the subject captures my curiousity (Astronomy, aviation, creation of the Niagara Gorge, dangers of Sludge Spreading {???}), I become a walking encyclopedia.

    Also know all the words to just about every song from the sixties.

    Taught myself the greek alphabet by turning it into a song!

    What WEIRD & wonderful minds we Swans have <g>

    PS: I believe I still hold my school’s record for the FINAL mark in my Grade 13 Geometry Exam … FOUR (that’s out of a hundred!)

    Anonymous
    Inactive
    #91611 |

    I love to read all of your posts!!!!

    Even if I don’t interrupt!…..:O)

    Bettyboo
    Member
    #91612 |

    Fearwidg…well that’s funny…you make me laugh out loud 4 out 100…I guess I shouldn’t be laughing…but at least it’s a record. hahahaha!!! please take the comment with humour

    On a school note…I was in grade 5 and I couldn’t spell…my first language wasn’t english and vowels were tough for me especially since the letter “i” is pronounced as “e” in portuguese and the teacher would make me write out the words I misspelled out 100 times then in a sentence 100 times. I hated him – funny I can’t remember his name but I remember what he looked like. My parents didn’t speak English and they were immigrants they worked all the time they didn’t know how to help me. School was horrible…I really hated it especially since I didn’t know I had ADHD and back then they just put you into a modified program. However, today my favourite is learner everything and anything…still a bad speller. My sister and I make a joke about who is actually the worse and will test each on spelling words just for fun.. Morbed…but fun! Elizabeth

    veronica
    Member
    #91613 |

    abslt0 wrote: “Boy does THAT sound familiar. I’m fully aware of the reading retention….or inattention. I have to read the same page half a dozen times before I finally get it. I’m so exhausted afterwards….but I had NO IDEA that reading comprehension was part of it.

    Has anyone else experienced this?”

    dude, i to this day cannot forget the hellish teacher i had in fourth grade. she made me feel so stupid, b/c i was so smart about math, art, science… and anything visual, but sucked at reading comprehension. she would constantly tell me that i wasn’t trying hard enough and that she should fail me. grrrrr…. sucks that she is still teaching at that school. this “G” rated site will not allow me to say what i truly would have said to her had i not been raised properly.

    then, in the 11th grade, i had a teacher that was heaven sent from angel. for the first time in my school history she worked with me to help me get through some difficult books. mind you i still had to read some pages twice or more to “get them”, but b/c of my english lit teacher in high school, it wasn’t a chore, it became an adventure! now i love reading for leisure and for work.

    reading is FUNdemental, for me! hee hee

    Anonymous
    Inactive
    #91614 |

    For anyone near Guelph, or in the Kitchener/Waterloo/Cambridge Area, there’s a free Adult ADHD Support Group every Wednesday evening in downtown Guelph. I’m an ADHD Coach (my name is Alina Kislenko) and I run the group. If you’d like to find out more about ADHD Coaching (phone or in person options available) or the support group, go to http://www.ADHDInterrupted.com. I work with adults, kids, and teens, and have also had great results with people with Asperger’s Syndrome, which sits next to ADHD on the autism spectrum and shares a lot of traits.

    Anonymous
    Inactive
    #91615 |

    I would not say that ADHD is cancer to the soul. In fact , I believe those with ADHD have a deeper meaning of the concept life and how to help the soul. I’m 42 and was recently diagnosed with ADHD. I was encouraged to research the disorder and to read the book, You mean I’m Not Lazy Stupid or Crazy? As I read through the book, for the first time in my life, I saw myself! I finally had an explanation for what was going on inside of me and in my life. I knew something wasn’t right, that’s why I went to see a psychologist in the first place. I must admit, at first, I felt a sense of doom after understanding just how it can wreak havoc on all aspects of your life! According to the outline and symptoms listed in that book, I have ADHD really bad. I struggled in school barely getting a college degree and almost flunking out, I struggled professionally ( as a manager or supervisor in manufacturing and operations for some big Fortune 100 companies bouncing from job to job) have struggled financially ( bankrupt twice, very bad credit), have struggled socially (divorced and on the verge of second divorce,not many friends) forgetful, clumsy and the list goes on and on. But because I now know what I am, I have a sense of hope. I now know that I have gifts and potential that have not been tapped into and realized! Growing up, my family always viewed me as being special, talented gifted, but I never felt that way, and I surely did not have results to back that up so I never knew why they felt that way. But I now know that because of who I am, there are things I can do to help make my life more balanced. I can now take these lemons of my life and make some award winning lemonade! What I’m trying to say is that when you know who you are and what you are, whatever that is, and you make peace with what you are, then you can start living! Because isn’t that what bothers must of us who have ADHD? The fact that it has negatively impacted our quality of life? Just like in the movie the Matrix, after Neo was enlightened and educated to the world he thought he was living in ( The Matrix) vs the reality ( being connected to a power system and being used like a battery), he had to decide whether to accept it and or not. Even though he had already been physically freed from the Matrix, mentally he still had to choose! Being diagnosed with ADHD only makes you aware of the reality. After being given the knowledge of what you are and how you work, you still must choose! Choose to wallow in self pity and disbelief! Choose to continue the grieving process that follows after diagnosis, or choose to be thankful, and choose to accept it, and choose to begin discovering and learning of the real you! Its funny that when he decided to accept this revelation as a true, he not only found his purpose and destiny, he also found that he had a special gift, a gift that would enable him to free others trapped like he was! Finding your purpose, walking in your destiny is not cancerous to your soul, but a is a pathway of freedom for your soul! So I’m making the choice to be thankful, and take all of the information regarding this condition, to help me once and for all not only find my destiny but the walk in freedom. Freedom of accepting me, freedom of guilt and shame, freedom from learned handicaps and crutches to get by in life And based upon the comments and bios of those who have done so, I have no doubt that it will happen. And the gifts that I now know I have,wonderful gifts of creativity, intuition, perception, prognostication, clarity, makes me feel that I am special! And with these gifts I can help others find freedom in their life and free their souls!

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