The Forums › Forums › What is it? › Need Help! › I've got nothing left › Re: I've got nothing left
gosh,where to begin, first, take a deep breath, and know, though it’s hard to imagine now, things will get better
. i have had,and continue to have, many difficulties throughout most of my life. if i had to pay for ’emotional baggage” i’d never be able to fly. and yet, considering the purely emotional aspect, freshman year (at the first college i went to following high school graduation) was one of the very lowest points of my life. many things contributed, but i’d have to say having undiagnosed add, along with progressing depression and anxiety, the structure(and intimidation/fear) of home/mother/grade school removed, and lack of connection with anybody who seemed to care and/or understand or relate to me…..heck, i couldn’t even understand myself! – – and fear of seeking help because i really thought if i opened up completely about how i felt and thought i would be immediately committed to a psych ward …..yes, my mind was in very low, dark, scary place.
when i came home after the first semester i told my parents i was very unhappy, and wanted to take a semester off to figure some things out. they insisted i return. it was a mistake. i really needed help. to this day, they don’t know how bad it was for me, what a mistake it was to insist i go back. the next semester was even worse, engaging more and more in suicidal ideology, coming very close to doing it one afternoon when i out i found failed one of my midterms. in retrospect, there are so many things i would have liked to have done differently. i think at that point it would indeed have been a good time to take one or 2 semesters off, gotten some intense therapy, probably medications, perhaps take a class or 2 just for fun/interest while working part-time. taking some time to evaluate what i really want from life, what i want to persue. really, it wouldn;t have killed me to take some time off from the traditional uni track, and it almost did kill me trying to force this round peg into the square holes. thanks to finally bonding with a few other students, by the end of my second year, i survived. by my third year, i actually began thriving, to an extent, due to switching from a focus on liberal arts to one of music and theatre arts. although later i again changed my focus of studies,as well as changing schools many times, i finally was able to complete -and even at times enjoy- a course of study in grad school.
sorry i’ve rambled a bit ….the point is,i guess, that i think freshman year in college is very difficult for many people, but likely particularly so for those with ad/hd, medicated or not…..but it will get better, it really will :}
maybe it would help to take a semester off, or switch to parttime. definitely talk to your psych about what’s going on.likely you need a different dosage or maybe completely different add med, perhaps other med/s as well, and like kc also mentioned, perhaps look into what resources/accomodations are available for you at your college.
keep in touch and let us know how things are going, ok?
(((big hug)))
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