I've got nothing left

[Anonymous]

I’ve always struggled with getting my thoughts out, so please bear with me. I just don’t know what to do any more. I thought my ADD was finally manageable when i got medicated my senior year of high school, but now i’m in my first year of college. It’s just too much. Other than the flip-flop between crushing anxiety and severe depression, i feel nothing. I don’t enjoy anything any more, there is no passion, and i feel like i don’t have emotions. The will to do or feel anything is long gone. Even breathing seems to take so much effort at times. When i finally do have the energy to do something, the stress is too much and the ADD runs rampant. I feel like i’m at my breaking point, but even crossing that line is more energy than my body has. My ADD coming out on top of all of this stress is too much. I try not to look at my self in the mirror any more because what i see in my eyes makes me break down and cry, yet i can’t get my self to look away. I’ve never tried so hard to give up on my self. Please give me some advice to help me out of this. The only thing i want is to forget my responsibilities and have all the time i want to just think, create, and be comfortable for a change.

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[kc5jck]

Don’t panic. You should get a lot of replies with good and varying advice, so keep checking back.

What you’re experiencing is not surprising. I would say it’s the result of several things.

You’re in a new environment which probably does not have the support and structure that you had throughout high school. This can be unsettleing. It might also affect your brain chemistry which in turn affects the way that you medicine works. It sounds like you need to adjust, change, or add to the meds you are on. Good notes of how the meds are working and what is going on at the time will be helpful in working with your doctor in getting them right.

College can have a lot of distractions which aggrevate your problem. Learn to identify and avoid them.

College can be intimidating and far more difficult than high school. Any problems you have . . . social, academic, insecurities, ADHD . . . . will be magnified, particularly in you own mind if not elsewhere.

I think it’s common, or maybe it’s just me, but when really stressed, my brain just shuts off, like an electrical throwing a breaker or blowing a fuse. It sounds like this may be happening to you. Don’t let it upset you. Keep track of what’s going on so you can learn you capabilities and limitations.

Failing all your courses is not the end of the world.

You might want to rethink your major as well as your reasons for attending college. Be sure it’s what YOU want. You might consider working a year or two instead of enrolling for the next semester. Believe me, it will be better than floundering through several semesters.

Check out what, if anything, the college has for helping students with ADHD.

Above all, educate yourself about ADHD. Learn ADHD coping skills. People fear what they don’t understand. Hopefully, you will be less anxious as you better understand what is going on with your brain and how ADHD is affecting you.

Reading through the forums here and learning that there are many here struggling with the same problems you face should help relieve some of you anxieties.

Don’t be afraid to ask questions . . . or just tell us how bad your day went. It will make you feel better to let it out and us feel better if our day is not as bad as yours. 😉

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[g.laiya]

gosh,where to begin, first, take a deep breath, and know, though it’s hard to imagine now, things will get better

. i have had,and continue to have, many difficulties throughout most of my life. if i had to pay for ’emotional baggage” i’d never be able to fly. and yet, considering the purely emotional aspect, freshman year (at the first college i went to following high school graduation) was one of the very lowest points of my life. many things contributed, but i’d have to say having undiagnosed add, along with progressing depression and anxiety, the structure(and intimidation/fear) of home/mother/grade school removed, and lack of connection with anybody who seemed to care and/or understand or relate to me…..heck, i couldn’t even understand myself! – – and fear of seeking help because i really thought if i opened up completely about how i felt and thought i would be immediately committed to a psych ward …..yes, my mind was in very low, dark, scary place.

when i came home after the first semester i told my parents i was very unhappy, and wanted to take a semester off to figure some things out. they insisted i return. it was a mistake. i really needed help. to this day, they don’t know how bad it was for me, what a mistake it was to insist i go back. the next semester was even worse, engaging more and more in suicidal ideology, coming very close to doing it one afternoon when i out i found failed one of my midterms. in retrospect, there are so many things i would have liked to have done differently. i think at that point it would indeed have been a good time to take one or 2 semesters off, gotten some intense therapy, probably medications, perhaps take a class or 2 just for fun/interest while working part-time. taking some time to evaluate what i really want from life, what i want to persue. really, it wouldn;t have killed me to take some time off from the traditional uni track, and it almost did kill me trying to force this round peg into the square holes. thanks to finally bonding with a few other students, by the end of my second year, i survived. by my third year, i actually began thriving, to an extent, due to switching from a focus on liberal arts to one of music and theatre arts. although later i again changed my focus of studies,as well as changing schools many times, i finally was able to complete -and even at times enjoy- a course of study in grad school.

sorry i’ve rambled a bit ….the point is,i guess, that i think freshman year in college is very difficult for many people, but likely particularly so for those with ad/hd, medicated or not…..but it will get better, it really will :}

maybe it would help to take a semester off, or switch to parttime. definitely talk to your psych about what’s going on.likely you need a different dosage or maybe completely different add med, perhaps other med/s as well, and like kc also mentioned, perhaps look into what resources/accomodations are available for you at your college.

keep in touch and let us know how things are going, ok?

(((big hug)))

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[Tiddler]

You sound like you’re having a really hard time and the good news is that it will get better.

You know what you want. You said, ‘ The only thing i want is to forget my responsibilities and have all the time i want to just think, create, and be comfortable for a change.’

You’ve got some great advice above so I’ll just agree that you need to speak to a medical professional and the support networks at your college.

The important thing to know is that it WILL get better – whether that’s on this course, some other course or doing something else for now. Nothing is worth feeling like this and you CAN change things. Keep talking and ask for help.

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[Anonymous]

A lot of great suggestions already.

2 things to add.

1. Try analizing everything else that’s changed (residence, diet, exercise, social/liesure activity, proximity of familial support). Any of these changes can cause extra stress on an already stressful situation.

2. Was your ADHD controlled previously with just medication? Or did you also do any behavioural/cognitive therapy to learn organisation, and study skills. I’ve found a lot of people rely on medication when they have the support and then when the support’s gone and they have to fend for themselves, they get overwhelmed.

Its not too late to train yourself (though I think it gets harder as you get older). Definitely look for school based support system, and if there aren’t any in place look for someone outside the school.

Hang in there (insert cute picture of kitten hanging from a branch here).

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[Amy]

I’m sorry you are feeling so down. I’ve been there too and I know how crushing it can be. Right now I would concentrate on treating your depression and not worry about the ADHD stuff. Does your college have a mental health service where you can talk to a counselor?

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[Anonymous]

Thank you all for all of your support and advice.

I’m not sure if i should take some time off from college or not. My major is Electronics/Computer Engineering Technology and electronics is one of the few things that really captures my interest. I don’t find the course material to be difficult, in fact, i had already taught my self in high school everything that they are teaching me this semester. I just struggle to get my work done efficiently and on time, even if i know the materiel pretty well. My biggest struggle is with math and writing assignments. Writing just doesn’t work for me at all; when i do get something down its generally well written, but it’s rare that i manage to get that far. Math, on the other hand, is hard because i missed all of the basics in school like learning all of those arithmetic tables in grade school and how to do algebra. However, i am picking up things very quickly in my trig class.

Currently my doctor has me take 50mg of Vyvanse once a day. I don’t see any sort of counselor or life coach. My dad has always put a lot of emphasis on organization and has helped me out a lot with that, but i think seeing a counselor will be a big help. I’m going to contact the school’s counseling services today. I think a change in medication would also be a good idea. The current stuff seems to wear off too quickly. Have any of you run into this problem? If so, what has worked best for you? I’m not sure if i should be taking something else in the evening, because the Vyvanse is supposed to be a 24 hour medication. Maybe i need to switch to something that i would take twice a day, one for the morning and one for after noon? What do you think?

Thanks again for all of your replies.

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[allan wallace]

Is it possible to get your mates to help out? Those that are good at maths could do that component of your work, and those who have a strength in writing could do your essays for you? Sorry for the brevity of my post, I’m just winding up a barrage of posts and adjourning for a ciggy and a cup of tea…your story has touched me. I’d like to give you a hug! Um, after I’ve had a break I’ll come back and offer something more constructive…

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[Misswho23]

I_cant_ADD,

Yes, please keep us posted on how things are going for you. As you can already see you are not alone in this and I’ve felt very much the same with college at times. I have to get ready for work but here are a few things that helped me.

• Yes see a counselor. My college had them on site and didi have programs set up. So check at the student center

• Do keep notes on what is or not working for you. But do it for a while without judgment. I know hard. But think of it like an experiment.

Use the notes to track optimum times for study, when you need down time, when to avoid certain tasks because you brain is just not at it’s optimum levels. Your dad has already helped you with organization so this will just further help you to find better ways to implement what you already know into your new college life.

• Math. I’m horrible at it but needed some for my degree. I scored up the 90th percentile for language arts etc. but remedial level in math. Check out postings for tutors. Some students volunteer or you may be able to find a student who will do it for a low cost. Also the same for writing. If I didn’t have a math tutor I would have failed. I lucked out and another student who was on a work study with me helped me out. Our job was to watch computer labs so he was there anyway and it killed the time.

• Work study. If you need some extra cash. I don’t know what your college offers. But at mine I got a work study job at the college in the graphics lab. I just had to make sure students signed in and didn’t steal anything. I could also sit and do my homework. Which was great because I had to be there and it focused my minds to be productive and I got paid. Helped my self esteem. Plus since it took me longer to do my work I would keep the lab open. Which the other students appreciated as well. I got to know my classmates, make new friends and in the end wound up helping lots of students who were having just as hard of a time. That helped my self esteem a ton! When I started Graphic Design I didn’t even know how to use a computer. Just dated my self. LOL

But hang in there, There is lots of good advice posted. And hey you just might come up with something that will help the rest of us out!

We all in this together. Keep up the good work!

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[allan wallace]

Hmm, I did have a long break! I went to bed! 😆

It’s early here, but I will come up with something constructive later…

There’s just too much pressure to compete, and for what? Who’s got the biggest knob? Who has the longest entourage? Who gets the highest paying job? Pffft, just try and have the most fun I say! 😯

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[Author]

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