Re: JUST got hired, JUST got medicated, JUST got PREGNANT?!?!?!

[Anonymous]

Its ok guys….i lost my baby. I shoulda known 4 weeks was too early to get excited n start getting attached n trlling ppl. (I a firm believer in jynxing stuff) but i did it anyway. A day after i started telling all my closest friends n family members the ER doc infotmed me thay 4 werks n 6 days is as far as my baby made it. would still like answers tho for when it is the right time. Ps: everyone always talks about miscarriage from a sad point of view, no1 ever mentions the trauma. I mean i kno a baby was the last thing i needed right now. Im living with my parents cuz im just getting over a huge psychokogical break i had a few montgs ago, im just getting over my sex addiction, im still heavily addicted to pornography, ive just quit smoking 4 months ago, the father of my child is a wonderful guy so fat, but still ive only known him a lil over a month, and even tho right now ive turbed over a new leaf in my life and my menral and physical health is 150% better already in 2012 as opposed to 2011 and earlier…the stresses of a new baby new job new relationshop anf basically new life (both good and bad stress) could have potentially undid all my progress…so even tho im sad, i ubderstand. But what i xant seem to get over ( *WARNING, GRAPHIC CONTENT AHEAD*) is the physical trauna of it all. My baby was ovviously too young to even count as a baby the dr said (he said it in away that made me unserstand that even tho its horribke to think of it that way, it may help me disconnect, he wasnt insensitive as he said it somehow). I ubderstand that but it was MY non baby. I had stopped thinking technically already and had started think affectionately. I wasnt “just pregnant” i was “jusy holding my baby safe until hes ready to meet me”. So even tho he doesnt really count, he was mine. My CHIKD. my chikd that i had to watch run down my leg in the shower. My child that i was yelling at begging him not to leave me as i closed my legs n tried to hold him in.,My little baby that everytime i use the bathroom now i see bits of him floating next to my shit, where i then have to use my own wilk to flush him down to a grave of no rspect. Everyone talks about the sadness of knowing ur baby is gone, but no1 talks about the sheer hurt of watching hin leave. As foolish as it sounds, i already loved cmy little sesame sized “cluster of cells”

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