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Re: Just when I thought I had me beat….I fall back into me!!!

Re: Just when I thought I had me beat….I fall back into me!!!2010-10-04T16:48:59+00:00

The Forums Forums Emotional Journey My Story Just when I thought I had me beat….I fall back into me!!! Re: Just when I thought I had me beat….I fall back into me!!!

#95639

Saffron
Member
Post count: 140

I find that the meds give you get-up-and-go and they give you the presence of mind to follow through on tasks once you start them. But their tragic limitations, as far as I’m concerned, are that they can’t give me the same perception of time as other people, and they can’t keep me from regularly becoming overwhelmed and needing to steal time to mentally rest (or becoming bored and needing to steal time to focus on something more interesting). As you know, there’s a fine line between those last two.

This means, despite the meds, I *still*:

~ take too long to do things

~ run out of time constantly despite my best intentions and efforts

~ have trouble distributing tasks throughout a time frame (on paper it looks lovely and is all prioritized, but in practise it’s a wash)

~ get stuck on one task longer than is reasonable (either because it’s more interesting than the others so I start to hyperfocus, or because it’s damn boring and my brain is turning to mush, so I start to slow down)

~ become discouraged about my remaining tasks when the above happens, and feel overwhelmed (which paralyzes me and causes an urgent need for escape to do something restorative)

~ feel desperately cheated out of unwinding time when the day is ending and my to-do list is only partway done, despite going at it the whole day

~ end up robbing sleep to pay me-time, which no doubt lops off some of the effectiveness of the meds

~ beat myself up for inefficiency.

My mission lately has been to figure out how to bite the bullet and cut corners way, way more (i.e., as large as I can stand to cut them) and not to take on (or create for myself) any more tasks, responsibilities or hobbies than those I already have.

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