Hey lady, now I can relate. I have endured loads of loneliness. I had social anxiety really bad for about 10 years. I don’t know your situation, or why you feel so lonely- and I can only speak from my experience. I can totally relate to feeling defective. There is a book I read (a bit of…ha ha…ADD rocks!) that is called “Compassion and Self Hate”. It really helped me get over some things. I can relate to feeling isolated, and worrying that you’re going to lose it. Being alone has always been hard for me- my family split up when I was very young- and it had an effect on me.
First of all, I want to say to you- that you are not defective, and to also understand that what you see on the surface of other people’s lives may not be as cheery as you imagine it. I used to go there in my head all the time, and it just made me feel crappy. Oh hell I wished my life was like Sex in the City…if you ever watched that.
One thing I can tell you, is to build your own life. You are here for a reason. I recommend spending time getting to know who you really are, and exploring what you enjoy in life. Since you don’t go out much, maybe that’s where you could start? What are your interests? Sometimes, following an interest can lead you to like minded people. Another good question to ask yourself about people is, not whether someone likes you- but “Do I like this person??” Know what I mean? Other people do not hold the key to your worth. You do!! 
Start being kind to yourself. Even when you feel alone, you truly aren’t- I don’t even know you but I care about what happens to you- as I’m sure the other people on this forum do too.
If being online, gives you a bit of something- that’s cool- because it can save your sanity- personally facebook made me feel more alone because I am a hands on person…but when I was socially isolated I was involved in an online community that fulfilled some of that need, and saved my sanity.
I don’t know anything about your life- but do you have family or a close friend, maybe even an acquaintance you can reach out to? I think you might find, that most people are caring and kind- and could and would understand.
To me it sounds like maybe you’ve got some depression going on? Do you feel that way? I want to encourage you to seek help before you are feel you are at the end of your rope. You never know what life has in store for you around the corner, this state is temporary, we are always changing- life is full of ups and downs and different states of being. ( I felt disconnected and that I wasn’t a part of anything at 18, and I am a mother now- didn’t see that one coming!)
I just want to encourage you to stop beating yourself up, to look at the good in yourself, and to be kind to yourself and to know that you have value just as much as anyone you see. Take care of you, you will find good people someday. Don’t be afraid to ask for professional help if you need it. Excuse me for being blunt, but especially if you ever have thoughts of suicide…just saying.
That’s my advice, feel free to vent! I’m curious- how does ADD effect you? Does it create these issues for you?
Keep us posted K? – roachella.
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