Another very cool post. Thank you.
I’m the ADD partner, my wife has her own issues, but thankfully we have been able to tolerate each other’s issue for the most part.
There are periods when things build up. I find that I am very sensitive to certain things like clutter, uncompleted tasks, disorganization and a lack of consistency. Why? Because these things are areas that require a lot of effort from me to maintain, if they are not maintained I lose focus, I’m not able to be as productive and frankly I get flooded by it all and shut down or if I’m ready to deal with it angry when my efforts to get things ‘fixed’ are met with resistance.
After 5 years of dating and 13.5 yrs of marriage my wife just realized that for lack of a more PC way to put it, she was wrong. The clutter, uncompleted tasks, attitude, consistency and disorganization that I see and point out is not about controlling, it is about survival. There are two options when you are in a relationship, ADD or not, get along or get out. If you can not see differences, discuss them and work towards a common goal then you are doomed.
Does my need for neatness and organization make me selfish because I insist that my wife do the same? No. We are in this together, and what she is seeing for the first time is it has been about her-her-her. We ADD’ers grow up being reminded why we are different and that it doesn’t cut it, so when we figure out how to make it work and others undermine that, who is being selfish?REPORT ABUSE