Re: My husband has ADD

[ADDled]

It came as a tremendous relief to my wife why I behaved the way I did. It wasn’t “me”, it was my brain. (Ricky from “Trailer Park Boys” said that “My brain is way smarter than me. It’s always making me do things and getting me into trouble and stuff.” I like that show – please don’t judge me….).

It took almost thirty years to figure this out. I’m now on Concerta and my wife is of the opinion it’s the best thing that ever happened to us. It was a diagnosis that came entirely out of nowhere after 20 years of treating the wrong symptom.

I think every ADDer out there is, in their essence, a caring, loving and responsible person. We’ve just fallen of the rails. And much like so_calvin, I deal with the same issues. The same RAM computer thing….When I’m overloaded mentally, I do exactly the same thing. I shut down as if a circuit breaker has cut out.

But, as I have found out, there is a lot of support out there. Your husband has the awareness thing about ADD, so he is, at least, some idea as to what may need to be addressed. I try to avoid the work “fixed” as there is nothing to fix – <humour>it’s not like taking your dog to the Vet to get neutered. </humour>

Doing a lot of therapy has taught me that the goal of therapy is to guide the patient so that the patient makes the discovery themselves. The “breakthrough”, as it is sometimes called. Therapists never really come out and say you’re depressed or have have anxiety issues. They may use that as suggestions or starting points during therapy as ideas to help you along the path to lead to the breakthrough. And I suppose, much like I have discovered, that’s when you become self-aware of the core issue, then recovery can take place because you own the issue.

The problem is how do you motivate someone to get to that place. My wife always tells me you can’t get people to do anything they don’t want to do. Took me awhile to figure that on out.

I don’t want to add another stressor in your life right now, but it may be conceivable (from a statistical point of view) that one of your boys may have ADD also. Since ADD can be a genetic thing, maybe that can be the starting point to open discussion as to “nudging” your husband into dealing with the issue that vexing your lives right now. I am not a health care professional or therapist or counsellor…just someone who has ADD and has been down that road. And I don’t want to advise you how to run your lives. I just want to offer some support, much as I would to a friend.

Has he seen the documentary on this website?

Don’t forget also, that as more and more women become the major, and in some cases, the only, source of income that men are having a great deal of trouble dealing with that fact. Many males, including me, are trying to understand our roles in the “new world order”. Everything we know, or understand, or believed about our place in the scheme of things has been turned upside down. For generations, men have been hard wired to play a specific role in society and now that has been tossed side like an empty Tim Horton’s coffee cup.

Again, I am not judging, it’s just my opinion. Hopefully, I haven’t overwhelmed you. There are a lot of good people on these forums, with a lot of real world experience trying to make the world bend to our ADD.

Hope this helps….and good luck

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