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Re: notgettinwat I need to help my ADHD

Re: notgettinwat I need to help my ADHD2011-06-01T17:23:18+00:00

The Forums Forums Emotional Journey Is It Just Me? notgettinwat I need to help my ADHD Re: notgettinwat I need to help my ADHD

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sdwa
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Don’t know if this will help or not, but I hear you. I’ve had similar experiences – just being desperate for approval. Before diagnosis I had seen multiple therapists over a period of about 20 years, and they didn’t help much because they didn’t know what the problem was – ADHD.

What has helped me:

Finding a support group of other people with ADHD has allowed me to separate what’s “me” from the symptoms, so I don’t feel like a failure, and am better able to cut myself some slack, and to make the problem external where it can be worked on. It’s good to understand this is a real problem, not a character defect.

Learning as much as possible about ADHD and brain functioning to reduce self-blame and start to focus on work-arounds and what can be changed. Some experts say the best way for us to change is to make instructions external – like posting a note to yourself about what you need to do in the place you will actually be doing it. You can also post notes around to cheer yourself on (and it’s more than okay to do that if it helps YOU.)

Becoming a detective in my own life, learning to take note of the circumstances under which I function best – and then trying to create that environment for myself.

Thinking long and hard about my personal value system, about a code of ethics and beliefs about what makes life good and meaningful for me, what I think justice and fairness look like – and then using that as my yardstick about what kind of person I am. This means what other people think doesn’t matter – what I think is what’s paramount. So the approval comes from inside of me, instead of from out there, because I’m meeting my own standards and am learning to be much kinder to myself. But I couldn’t do this successfully if I didn’t understand the REAL limitations that come with ADHD, and accept them. I have a disability.

If other people don’t get it, that’s their problem. You know what your true motives are, and if despite your best intentions the people around you are still harsh and critical, avoid them. Reach out to people who DO get you. Honor yourself for the tremendous amount of work you do just getting out of bed in the morning and getting on with your life every day. You deserve that.

Namaste

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