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Re: Problems with relationship, How do ya'll deal with them?

Re: Problems with relationship, How do ya'll deal with them?2011-01-12T04:48:30+00:00

The Forums Forums For The Non-ADD Relationships Problems with relationship, How do ya'll deal with them? Re: Problems with relationship, How do ya'll deal with them?


Post count: 14413

Hi folks….. I have posted a few items about relationships in other parts of this site. But….. I feel compelled to post yet again. Funny but people and relationship issues are germane to more than people whose brain functions in the ADD model. People of all walks of life find difficulty in maintaining a relationship….with themselves and others.. Please this is not dismissive!!!! I am not attempting to minimize anybody’s personal relationship issues in any way. This is a sharing only……my life experience.

I am 60, I am right brained (what they call ADD). have been for years and years and years…and I’ve been married to the same left brain person for over 35 years. Been there done that!! Life in a relationship has not been all rosy…to say the least. We had our problems… there was a time (long time) when things were more than difficult.

I went to see a counselor…. I stayed with him for about three years….it was wonderful!!! As I said previously I have posted at length on this very subject…so I won’t go into detail here again…if you are truly interested and motivated you can find my life experiences in other threads. What I will share is this we come into this world with no skills, no tools of any sort. The tools you acquire… the majority of social and interpersonal skills we gain….. we gain from our parents, they from their parents and so on……you get the picture. That is not an opinion, it is factual!!

Tools handed down generation to generation might be fine….. if the preceding generation was healthy, and well adjusted, and interpersonal communication was on the money, that is those discussions were common in your house…..likely not…….or if there were issues they too are handed down from generation to generation. That can be problematic going forward. Also the world and our social environment has changed from those days. The tools tradesmen used in the 1950s and 60s although great tools in their day are not always relevant today and for today’s tasks. old tools, out dated tools…no tools at all….is it a wonder we struggle????

Sooo….. I ask this question… how many people prepare for their relationship(s)….check the validity of the tools they have in their tool bag before entering into the most important relationship of their life??? Chances are most people spend more time preparing for their drivers test than life’s relationship test!!! I only say this because I have discussed this issue with a great many people and they almost all say the same thing……… they didn’t do anything to prepare. Just wing it???

So for me…. I went to see a counselor…… life was not working well at all. I went because I knew she was making me crazy!!! I stayed… for me. it was the best thing I ever did…EVER!!! What I have learned over time spilled over beyond my relationship….. guided me through child rearing, and is a general life guide that pleases me everyday!! Great tools make our chances of success on a job much higher!!!!

Yup 60, still married, two grown children that are wonderful, both ADD, both great and doing fine… I was able to bring things to the table for them that I never ever would have been able to do without having spent time with my guide. My counsel never advised me they just helped clearly see who I really was… how i really thought about things, what was important to me, and how communicate.

There is more (much more) on this issue as I said in various posts in this web…… if you are truly interested maybe there is something there for you??? I found no matter how intelligent I was/am…how much I thought I knew….. I was really stumbling around in the dark!!