tonyminch- have you got any practical support from anyone like a psychologist or lifecoach? something that helps you build structure, learn good habits, make small, manageable changes and stick with them, etc, might help you- i know it helps me when i practice it.
the way i look at drugs…. to me, a small dose of a stimulant is like a cup off coffee. it might well come with a small risk attached, but everything does- i could run out in front of a car crossing the street on my way to starbucks, i could slip and fall in the grocery store reaching to the top shelf, and get hit on the head by 20 huge cans off instant coffee, or i could sleep through half of my life cos i chose not to drink the flipping drink out of fear of maybes… or none of those things could happen – the trick is in deciding how much quality my life has without that small risk in it….how happy i am, and the potential for things to get better, vs worse if i take the risk and give it a shot.
talk to a specialist, watch the videos, work through your options. don’t be afraid to try different meds, different combinations, etc- but definately get some therapy along with it- someone who listens, understands, and who can help you build a plan and stick with it- that makes a huge difference. 