Re: Small box not big box

[memzak]

I have been accused of being a horder. I don’t think I am. I just don’t seem to get around to cleaning out the boxes that I have thrown stuff in. I do have trouble throwing out something I consider useful.

I had trouble cleaning out my mother-in-laws house because I felt uncomfortable throwing away “someone elses” stuff. Also there was the constant “I want this” from my daughter. My husband, who was in a nursing home at the time, who kept asking me to find his boyscout uniform (which we never found) among other things. How do you throw away someone else’s memories? What should I send to my sister-in-law in California and what should I use to start a bonfire? What can we sell to help our my financial situation and what is just junk. SOO many questions!

I have been so burned out by all the tramatic events in my life since I lost my job in 2000. My husband was already “retired” because he had 3 heart attacks in 1994. Never could get him to apply for disability so the financial burden fell to me and his parents. My father-in-law was sick for 2 years then died. My husband stayed with his parents to take care of his father then his mother after his father died. In the mean time he got a MRSA infection in his foot that nearly killed him. While he was in the hospital, my sister-in-law took my mother-in-law to California for a visit where she had a stroke. That is how I got stuck cleaning out her house. Endless appointments with Would Care at the hospital to try to save my husband’s foot. After a year of that they had to remove his foot anyway. I was the one who had to say to him it was time. A year later, after trying to take care of him myself, his other foot had to be amputated for the same reason. My husband was expecting me and my daughter to give him 24/7 care at hospital level during the year in between amputations. We were totally exhausted after a few weeks of this and he got more and more demanding as time passed. I had nurses ask me how I stood being around him. He was being a total jerk, and jerk is not anywhere near strong enough a word but this is a pg-13 website. Just think of words for a totally self-absorbed, selfish, inconsiderate, self-important, demanding, insensitive idiot who always has to have his own way no matter where he is.

I am still burned out and overwhelmed by financial stress. Finding out that I am ADD actually made things worse. I dont have the money or correct insurance to get properly treated. I haven’t been able to keep a job for more than a few months. I have applied for another job as manager of the local gas station. They may be desparate enough to hire me. We have no electricity, my house is in the process of forclosure, I haven’t been able to pay my car insurance so it has been canceled, again. I had applied for this job once and it was filled and last thursday it opened up again. I had given up on getting a job and had applied for disability a week before the job opened again. I know I can do this job but my health problems might get in the way. I also thought I could be an insurance agent but they would not let me go into the field and being a telemarketer has not worked well. Well that is the bare bones of what is going on in my life.

What is funny is that I am considering the small box method of cleaning up my exteremly dirty house. Forever the optimist. I don’t think a drill press or a table saw will fit. Anyone want to buy some antique Haviland china?

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