To hell with shame. The only one entitled to judge you is yourself and you already know you’re
not qualified so scrap that idea and get on with step one up this new road you just found.
Later on, as you gain experience, you’ll get chances to make the same old mistakes again.
Once in awhile you’ll find you’re not dead after all and there are signs of growth here and there.
No hurry though. You have plenty of time to make the same old mistakes over and over until you
polish them to death and then start to get some successes by accident. You won’t be able to stop
it from happening no matter how well-developed and entrenched the old self-sabotage complex
was because you’re starting to kill it by feeding yourself instead of that brainless parasite.
Alone is just a cousin to Lonely, not it’s spouse. You can switch between them or just kick Lonely
out and let Alone wander in and out anytime. Separated, they add up to nothing. You only give them
power when you put them together and hold on to them as though they were your only friends. Once
you unlearn that habit you’ll find that you don’t need to “work” at finding friends after all because they
never stopped in the first place from coming and going on their own. Let them do that and you won’t
have to cling to them because the comings always outnumber the goings.
Friends are like moths and we are unusually bright lights. Most of them keep flying around but the
ones that land tend to stay put.
Fact is, you’re not numb or dead. That lack of feeling and closeness are just emotional scabs over
old scratches and scrapes which will dry up and fall off on their own once you stop picking at and
worrying them by occupying your time with this new project of yours, beating your ADHD. The fresh
skin thus revealed will be a bit oversensitive at first but if you’re expecting it, you probably won’t be in
such a rush to scrape and scratch it up again and the help from your doctors and meds will give you
what you need to give it fresh air, daylight and time to wrinkle up and match your inner character.