@Memzak – that’s an awesome idea! I think I need to do something like this, but I am very afraid to do so. I usually give up on diaries and things like that too, because when I go back to review what I was thinking or saying at the time, I end up getting embarrassed or angry with what I had written or said. 
So maybe there’s half the answer right there.
@wreckedangle – Yes, I’m on Vivanse 50mgs right now. They haven’t been working as well as they did 3 months ago. I can’t really tell if I’m being irritable due to the meds (which I do think are a factor…more on that in a bit) My wife is also fairly terrified of me going a day without vivanse, so I haven’t really put it to the test. I’ve been getting feedback for this behaviour as long as I can remember, so even without the irritability sideeffect of a stimulant I still get reports.
I’ve been working on modifying my behaviour. I really see it as a do or die situation for me, I’m a good guy, I don’t have a bad bone in my body, so when I get feedback like I do, it really bums me out…I don’t want to be mean, aggressive, confrontational or anything…but apparently, many people see me that way. Many of my friends now are aware of my attempts to identify and remold my thoughts and behaviour, so I’ve had some good fortune with some insights this weekend. My wife finally got it nailed down into words…and I know she is right.
She said it’s that when people approach me with feedback or with a request or question there are times that I look up and respond to them with an expression and tone to my voice like I’ve somehow been offended by the interruption. This makes sense to me, I don’t like getting distracted and messing up my tasks. I take negative feedback to heart and it lingers for days and even years depending on what was said so I try to avoid it, and inadvertently respond with some anger. In my head I’m simultaneously the center of the universe and the person least entitled to happiness, so that’s part of what I have to work through. And I’m going to start trying to stop, take a breath, smile and then respond to people, instead of just blurting out the first thing that hits my lips. This whole situation needs to get fixed. It’s been the catalyst for the disintegration of many of my interpersonal relationships, and I just can’t afford to lose any more friends or alienate any other people.
REPORT ABUSE