Re: There's a “tone” to my voice that everyone hates

[Anonymous]

OMG, so many resonant posts here, but the one that especially made me feel as if I’ve found my home planet were Chris Kelly’s:

“I can completely Identify with the tone thing, I also get questioned about facial reactions am I angry? The thing is I am not angry (just trying to concentrate) and as far as my tone I try to say things so I am heard and as quick as possible so I do not forget. Is this common?”

::::happy sigh::::

This stuff happens to me all the time!

I love the suggestions here, too. Although we feel justified in speaking to others in our “primary language” as it were because that’s what we know (and, after all, THIS IS REALLY IMPORTANT SO YOU NEED TO DO WHAT I SAY, NOW!). But we’d probably be happier and feel less alien if we tried to talk like the natives- they’re everywhere! Less chance of exile or banishment, or puzzling drop-outs from our lives.

I think the tricky part is learning that language! It does take practice, practice, practice but implementation is marred by our impulsivity “in the moment”.

It does help to have significant others who will give you gentle feedback on how you come across before assuming you meant it the way it sounded, and also after the fact to bring it up at a neutral time. Then it’s our job to accept the feedback without defensiveness.

Easy as pie! Problem solved!

😈

I’m going to come back to this awesome thread because this is a majorly challenging issue for me; hope it sticks around!

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