Dr. Umesh Jain is now exclusively responsible for TotallyADD.com and its content

Re: There's a “tone” to my voice that everyone hates

Re: There's a “tone” to my voice that everyone hates2012-02-23T13:02:03+00:00

The Forums Forums Emotional Journey Is It Just Me? There's a "tone" to my voice that everyone hates Re: There's a “tone” to my voice that everyone hates


Post count: 14413

wow… I can tell you right now my WHOLE family suffers from this problem for sure. My mom and I can go from a normal chit chat to quick anger because once again we have misunderstood each other and took offence to a certain tone or get anxious over what the other said in a not knowing anxious tone. Ha, while writing this I realize how dumb it kind of sounds but we do it alllll the time… most of the time without realizing it for sure. We are known for our constant conversation jumping and random out bursts of anger or some sort of exaggerated emotion but then we go back to conversation jumping and at some point back to the first original topic. To me that was just how people conversed. But growing up with a family like that made it hard for me when I was dealing with others who did not have ADHD. I find it has caused me to be impatient at times with conversation because it takes nothing much for my brain to think of something random or want to put my two scents in… so much sometimes that I can’t focus much on what the other person is saying… and suddenly feel like they can’t finish what they are saying fast enough so I can say what I am thinking.

So I really like the tip from Toofat. I have got to try that more with my husband and my not so ADHD inlaws and friends.

I can’t begin to count the times my husband has said to me… “you don’t have to yell”… when we are discussing things… and it just angers me to no end because in my mind… ummm I was not yelling! He won’t even say it in an angry tone… but the fact that he thought I was yelling or getting worked up gets my frustrations going. I don’t know about anyone else but I think the worst thing someone can say to me while Im talking about something is… “calm down”. In fact I find that once someone has made mention to my tone… either being too intense or what not… I feel extremely in secure and usually shut down. It really does hit my self esteem hard. I hate feeling that anyone is ever thinking… “oh my word she is soooo dramatic!” And I do think that it stems from growing up and being diagnosed at a time when all the world thought of ADHD was… annoyingly hyper… those kids who just can’t calm down! I think that I never really got over that. Most my life I tried to mask my ADHD so people wouldn’t think of me that way. Looking back I do feel that it was wrong of me to do that.

As much as I struggle with being misunderstood… especially with my tone… I try to think of myself not as over dramatic… but a really awesome story teller… and a very empathetic friend.

I have come to realize that in my own life tone is what can hurt me or excite me the most. I feed off peoples emotions… and I think I have taught myself to judge myself by how people say things to me. Does that make sense? If someone ever comes off as displeased in their tone… I can’t seem to shake it. I harbour this shame that anyone would ever have to use that “tone” with me.

I find when I am dealing with my very ADHD family, tone is what sets us off. We take easy offence to each others tones… even though being ADHD our selves we know it is done unknowingly. hahaha if that made any sense.

We are indeed a more passionate people… yes it is hard when people don’t get that… but honestly who doesn’t love a person who can get energized and excited or extremely sympathetic over something they have to say?! I have decided to try to think that it has made me a great friend because I feel along with them.

So yes I totally get the tone thing… and how frustrating it is when people misunderstand that… but I also love to think we are for sure a never dull kind of people! :)