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Re: They DO NOT GET IT….!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Re: They DO NOT GET IT….!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!2011-01-10T18:47:06+00:00

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I have ADHD. It was first diagnosed back in early 2001. My then husband told me not to use my diagnosis as a crutch. Then 9/11… It just so happened that his brother was getting married in the states the weekend after. My then husband and his family went down. I stayed behind with our daughters. When they were obviously distressed, I called my then husband and tried to make arrangements to help them. In an “in-advertent” mishap, I overheard a conversation that no one realized was being recorded on my voice mail… When asked point blank by his father “Is she crazy?!?” My then husband said “Yes she is.”

Admitedly, with 3 children in tow and 1 more coming, I stayed. I stayed for another 2 1/2 years. He was completely unsupportive and even now says that I’m bi-polar not ADHD… I’m always amazed that his nuclear engineering degree also came with a psych, accounting and law major… ;) Anyhow, even now he is unsupportive still, even when we are looking at the possibility that some of our daughters might be ADHD.

My new husband is much more supportive. He has gone to speak with my psychologist to find out what is what about ADHD. He is not parental or condesending to me. He sees me and my ADHD as two seperate entities. Personally, I see myself as the normal person who is caught in the eye of an ADHD tornado.

My recommendation? Sit down with your boss and use descriptive language to explain your situation. I’ve used imagery like grand central station (all tracks merging and leading every which way with many locomotives… am I in the driver’s seat or on the hook off the back of the caboose?) Or even standing on 2 seperate rings, one going faster than the other, and trying to hand off things between the ADHD ring and the non-ADHD ring… Sometimes the hand-off just doesn’t happen. It has to be a two-way communication. You have to be honest and frank about what it is you can and can’t do. Others have to be honest about what it is that they expect and what they need. It’s not easy, but I’ve found it to be effective.

Keep in mind 2 things: ADHD requires good humour. I know we’ve always been made to feel small and incompetent (well, at least I have…) but having a good sense of humour is much easier than letting things fester and build and destroy you. The second is actually something that works to ADHD strength to a certain extent… Move on – as in don’t worry about it. If you worry too much about things, they become bigger problems. It’s skating that fine line of being aware enough so that you keep an eye out for things, but not so much that you are only looking for those things that will trip you up.

And as always: Work with your coach. There is nothing wrong with having a coach. It’s like having a translator with you in a foreign land. Until you learn the language for yourself, it’s important to work with someone who can do some translating, or else there could be a lot of bad feelings because of “bad communication”.