They DO NOT GET IT….!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Anonymous]

When I first started a my job I told them abut my ADHD and that I was also DESLXIC . at first it seemed to be all right but dose every one else people get aggravated with me . and i say I told you I was ADHD and they say stop using it as an excuses they say I do that ,how many time do I have to ask you not to do that ,your not listening ,your not paying attention, you have to do better,your not trying hard enuf,I’m tierd of talking . I just say I’ll do better next time , or Ijust say ok to SHUT THEM UP….!!!! I’M SO DONE..!!!!!!

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[billd]

I hear ya – just remember, they aren’t normal and not capable of “getting it”. Their more simple minds can’t grasp concepts they don’t understand. Human linear thinking requires that to have one thought, all others must be gone. To prove a theory, they try to disprove it.

Don’t give up – don’t let them beat you. (HA, when I hear some of that I SO want to reply “and I’m really tired of hearing you talking” but resist the urge)

Some of my favorite lyrics explain it pretty well………

One more tree will fall how strong the growing vine

Turn the earth to sand and still commit no crime

*How one thought will live provide the others die*

For I have riches more than these

For I have riches more than these

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[Anonymous]

You sound more than frustrated!!! If I can offer this…..what exactly/specifically is the problem at work…..not their response to you….not how you feel about their behavior…..but the actual description of the problem that seems to be resurfacing??? It appears something isn’t working appropriately, that I get. but if you are looking for hmmm assistance, being specific may be the key.

Toofat

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[Anonymous]

What are you doing on a day-to-day bases to improve how you work or think? If you are not cognitively working on ways to focus, get things done, just overcome the facts as stated to you by your employer you are making excuses. We tend to make everyone else responsible for our problems, but they’re not. If you’re blind you learn not to walk into the same things everyday, you are not blind yet you are running into the same things everyday. Who’s fault is that??

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[MarkJ]

I found out that I had ADHD about a year and half ago. After having the big AHA moment I tried to explain to close loved ones and friends which I hold dear that there is a medical explanation that describes me and my behavior to a Tee. No one believed it. They thought I was making excuses and avoiding responsibilities, ect… I might as well tried to explain that I’m friends with Papa Smurf and I’m upset with him because he won’t share his Smurf Berry Cake recipe with me.

And now, I’ve gone through the diagnosis process and I’m ADHD. And still, even with a diagnosis, even with the amount of resources and information out there, most everyone in my life still dismisses it as non-sense. Some of my family is starting to see the patterns and realize that there has been an invisible force at work on us over the years. A lot of pain and suffering could have been avoided if we only knew say 25 years ago. Maybe my turbulent relationship with my middle sister could have turned out different.

And yet…even with a diagnosis, explaining that this condition is real and that it has an affect on people falls on deaf ears, especially with some of my close friends. They just don’t get it. And even worse…they refuse to look into it. They stick to their judgments of me. Some of which are not kind at all. I’ve been branded a “burden” by some one I foolishly considered a close friend. I bet I wasn’t a burden when I saved his mortgage after I moved in to an over priced room at his place.

It’s frustrating and more than that…it actually hurts. It hurts a lot. Is there anything worse than being dismissive? To dismiss someone off as crazy, or lazy, or stupid, or angry, because you can’t understand the why’s…or refuse to understand the why’s…even when presented with facts.

After I told my best friend that I’ve been diagnosed. He still comes back at me with, “I have a hard time listening to people and in most cases I have to try really hard to listen to them.” This is his issue with concentration. Yes, we all have issues with concentration at times. But does your issue with concentration impair your life negatively and chronically? And so the dismissal continues. He just doesn’t get it. They just don’t get it.

Trying to explain this thing over the last year and a half has become the bane of my existence. Honestly…it just makes me withdraw. So I feel your pain Prunty20. Even with a diagnosis….THEY JUST DON”T GET IT.

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[trashman]

hi when I told my closes freind the laughed and said we are all adhd. so now i am a little shy just to tell some one . even my wife does not like it when I want to talk about my adhd . she now treats me like a lepper . since I was fierd she just looks at me with contemt. but the meds are working or i still would not be able to sit here and write this all down . if it was not for the meds.

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[Johane]

I have ADHD. It was first diagnosed back in early 2001. My then husband told me not to use my diagnosis as a crutch. Then 9/11… It just so happened that his brother was getting married in the states the weekend after. My then husband and his family went down. I stayed behind with our daughters. When they were obviously distressed, I called my then husband and tried to make arrangements to help them. In an “in-advertent” mishap, I overheard a conversation that no one realized was being recorded on my voice mail… When asked point blank by his father “Is she crazy?!?” My then husband said “Yes she is.”

Admitedly, with 3 children in tow and 1 more coming, I stayed. I stayed for another 2 1/2 years. He was completely unsupportive and even now says that I’m bi-polar not ADHD… I’m always amazed that his nuclear engineering degree also came with a psych, accounting and law major… Anyhow, even now he is unsupportive still, even when we are looking at the possibility that some of our daughters might be ADHD.

My new husband is much more supportive. He has gone to speak with my psychologist to find out what is what about ADHD. He is not parental or condesending to me. He sees me and my ADHD as two seperate entities. Personally, I see myself as the normal person who is caught in the eye of an ADHD tornado.

My recommendation? Sit down with your boss and use descriptive language to explain your situation. I’ve used imagery like grand central station (all tracks merging and leading every which way with many locomotives… am I in the driver’s seat or on the hook off the back of the caboose?) Or even standing on 2 seperate rings, one going faster than the other, and trying to hand off things between the ADHD ring and the non-ADHD ring… Sometimes the hand-off just doesn’t happen. It has to be a two-way communication. You have to be honest and frank about what it is you can and can’t do. Others have to be honest about what it is that they expect and what they need. It’s not easy, but I’ve found it to be effective.

Keep in mind 2 things: ADHD requires good humour. I know we’ve always been made to feel small and incompetent (well, at least I have…) but having a good sense of humour is much easier than letting things fester and build and destroy you. The second is actually something that works to ADHD strength to a certain extent… Move on – as in don’t worry about it. If you worry too much about things, they become bigger problems. It’s skating that fine line of being aware enough so that you keep an eye out for things, but not so much that you are only looking for those things that will trip you up.

And as always: Work with your coach. There is nothing wrong with having a coach. It’s like having a translator with you in a foreign land. Until you learn the language for yourself, it’s important to work with someone who can do some translating, or else there could be a lot of bad feelings because of “bad communication”.

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[Anonymous]

I was really shocked, when I was diagnosed at age 58, to find that the buzzing cloud of questions I’ve asked or problems I’ve dealt with in my life had a SINGLE answer/cause! I’d long ago accepted that I’d always find people’s behaviour odd and their thinking, slow — and that people would find my behaviour odd and my thinking inexplicable. The house-of-cards reasons I’ve found and theories I’d developed to account for these things suddenly collapsed into a single, quasi-logical deck!

That’s freaky, but good.

But when I tried to tell my brothers and nieces about it, dinner conversation came to an uncomfortable halt, then hurried off in some direction that was *other*. Opinions drifted back through the grapevine to the effect of “She’s talked herself into not being able to work anymore.” (Oh, I can work just fine — I just can’t NOT get fired!) And I tried to tell my nieces to watch out for symptoms in their own young children — that, if ADHD was present, it could be caught early and affect the kids’ lives sooooo much less.

You could’ve made ice cubes in that room, it got cold so suddenly!

One brother I was once very close to hasn’t spoken to me in about five years. His complaints about me? Well, that I’m lazy, self-centered, don’t listen well, don’t follow through on promises, procrastinate, forget family birthdays, ask for help with crises that I could easily have avoided if I’d just been more organized . . . you’re probably familiar with the whole list. I wish I could tell him that these faults — which I’ve always been aware of, and always worked hard (if rather unsuccessfully) to overcome — are all a part of my ADD. But he’s fed up with me and has entirely stopped listening.

They don’t get it, and possibly never will. I would LOVE to have the support of my family these days, but I just can’t expect it. It’s a lonely feeling.

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[Anonymous]

Johane, Thank you for what you wrote. I really needed it, especially now that I have to find another position.

I was fired from my job yesterday, not due to my ineptness, but because I am very good at what I do and this made my Director look bad. My lawyers told me not to quit and to be fired so I can take action for gender discrimination and whistleblower.

I asked my Psychiatrist if I should tell my Assistant Director about the ADD and we decided it not a good idea because the company would find a way to use it against me. Plus someone without ADD would not be able to do all expected of me without technical support, a grunt worker.

I question if I should have said something in the beginning, before the discrimination got out of hand. Actually my Director would have still looked bad since he is ignorant of the science my expertise is in.

Do I say something with the next interview process? after I’m hired? or when / if things fall apart with too many projects, not enough me to finish anything, and procrastination / anxiety / depression take over?

I am so frustrated with having to fight every step of the way. People look at me and think that I had everything just handed to me, when I have had my brain kicked in for so long I am numb. Before knowing that I have ADD and just how much it has affected all areas of my life. I am divorced, endured workplace harassment / discrimination due to others jealousy, going through chapter 7, and terminated from my job (yes a blessing in disguise but nonetheless still a mental beating). After watching the show on TV about adult ADD and hearing how depression can be a problem with prolonged ‘bad times’ I finally had to admit that the depression is back due to all of the crap going on.

I feel like the world is as the book “A Confederacy of Dunces” by John Kennedy O’Toole (I bet Ignatius Reilly had ADD).

This all sucks even more since I have been doing my best to not create chaos in my life. Yet chaos is in every aspect. Yet, my now former employer stopped paying me while on medical leave and the workman comp case was being ruled on. I received no $ from Aug 20 – Nov 12 bankruptcy court here I come. Then a middle aged, Iraqi male Director with a female, blue eyed blonde more knowledgeable about a highly complex science, and unable to sit in my chair just nodding my head being a good little girl while scientific misconduct and fraud is going on. I had to move back to my parents and have isolated myself from life. A life of head beatings has taken the life out of me that I am trying to give reason for existence.

Is there happiness that lasts for more than the blink of an eye or the roller coaster of a lifetime? or just a bowl of cherries with pits?

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[Anonymous]

I think workplaces are designed badly, for many types of people right across the board. I watched a video where a co-founder of a software company made the case that almost all offices are full of distractions – so many in fact, it’s hard to get any real work done all day with the constant meetings, phone calls, visits, chatter, gossip, breaks, etc. I want to work for him. I really, really do.

A few things to keep in mind about most corporate or even small office environments and ourselves:

1. Businesses are far more focused on image than they are on products or great bodies of work.

2. We humans tend to derive a lot of our self-worth from our jobs because we spend so much freakin’ time at it, with it, thinking about it, stressing over it, dealing with it, changing it, growing it, nurturing it, and sacrificing for it, so when someone at work comes along and is mean or critical, or worse – separates us from it by firing us or letting us go – the first thing we do is feel intense negative emotions because we didn’t chose to leave on a positive finishing note.

I had to learn the hard way years ago that despite all of the emotional investment I might put into my work, getting fired or reprimanded because my employer’s focus was on my spelling and not my ideas or contributions as a whole, my efforts weren’t all for naught, and that it says more about them than it does my unique skill sets. We all have something to offer to those employers who are willing to take us on as we are.

My suggestion is to stop trying to jam your square body into a round corporate hole. They don’t want us road bumps there anyway. I hate working in offices. I know I don’t belong, and have turned down many jobs in bigger tv companies because of that very reason. If the job stated I had to be in a veal pen from 8-5, I kept looking. I would starve before I put myself out there again. Often I did. And often I look jobs that were deemed beneath everyone else and had a great time, made awesome freelance contacts and had creative, unique job offers thrown at me that other people wouldn’t think of applying for.

I may not like what I do for work right now, but at least I get to work beside my husband every day helping him keep a business going that has one goal: to pay us enough money to live in a house. Hopefully one day this business will allow us to afford retirement. Who knows, right? The store exists solely to employ us two. We have a lot of freedom in one respect, but in another we don’t because of the nature of our industry. It frustrates us, but every day we find new ways to change how we do our work in some small, creative, fun way that our customers seem to dig. I have to tell you all, playing on our strengths at work bigtime means we no longer have to pay to advertise. Everyone in town knows us, and if you don’t by now, someone you know will have recommended us to you at some point, or will. We estimate 85% of our customers are long time customers and those who have found us through word of mouth. The rest break down into website traffic and random walk-ins. That’s not too shabby for a store that’s only been around for 8 yrs, huh?

See, my point here is… the long winded point, that is… don’t give in. Keep your chin up. There are jobs out there for people who don’t fit into the corporate world. There is great relief when you cast off the shackles of belief that the only good paying jobs are located in veal pens or in the professional offices of the world. They most certainly are NOT. And even if you have to make less to live, the gain to your self-esteem and self-worth will more than make up the difference in the long run.

*steps off her soap box*

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[Anonymous]

Hi P20….. you sound more than a little frustrated. Being a person with with an ADD type brain….. may not be for others to get. I know that sounds harsh but experience says it’s true. A big challenge may be to learn to use the gift, and harness what it brings to the table. There are people all over this site who have done amazing things with their high horsepower brains.

I have found there are many tools out there that helped me with things that I found deficient at but….. getting involved with who I am and researching how to harness my brain were critical to success in any endeavour I took on. This is not an overnight process… there is no magic bullet. It is a lifetime activity of learning and building. I can only say that working from a “it’s broken”….or “they” position did not move the yardsticks for me… sorry to say.

There is a lot of great support both within this website and out in the world…. but support is just support….. the work is up to us as individuals.

toofat

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[Anonymous]

I am sooooo going thru exactly the same things written here. I tell the ‘normal’ side (them) that they are reacting classically as I am a classic ADD case. I feel like just coming to this site and contributing that Im amongst brothers and sisters! FINALLY, people that DO GET IT can appreciate my frustrations and NOT wanting to cause chaos, but still does….lol…

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[Anonymous]

TLY, my heart goes out to you. It took me years to get over my last two firings; it’s SO hard not to take it personally!

I know — that sounds absurd. How can you *not* take it personally, when your income and daily structure have been snatched away because you’re “not up to snuff”? But you’re being measured with a yardstick that’s only good for non-ADD people (and frankly, not even very good for them). A lot of people will start out judging you harshly because they sense you’re a different “flavour” of person, and they’re not wise enough to value that. Birds of a feather do flock together — and yet, success in business requires a mix of people with different strengths, and a boss smart enough to recognize the resources at hand and encourage good use of ’em.

That doesn’t happen all that often — but that’s hardly your fault. If they don’t realize that they’re cutting their own nose off to spite their face, them **** ’em. Poverty’s no fun either, but it can be overcome; but stupid? — that’s *forever*. You don’t have to model your self-respect or self-confidence on the actions of stupid (and even underhanded) people.

If you were “sitting in your chair just nodding [your] head” while hating what was going on around you, you were in the wrong place anyway. When you’re asked in an interview why you “left” your last job, explain that you had “a conflict of managing style” and then DON’T add details. Your interviewer does NOT want to hear complaints about a previous workplace; you’d be setting yourself up to be seen as a whiner and ingrate. You’re confident in your ability; push a little, and make sure a potential hirer is serious about the problem-solving you’re being hired to do. If they’re just looking for someone who doesn’t rock the boat, then you probably won’t be happy — again.

There’s a lot of happiness to be had, in the world. Someone who’s depressed is incapable of recognizing it, and you know you’re depressed. So talk to your doctor and make sure that this ILLNESS is being addressed. Looking for work when you can’t see the positive in yourself or in other things is like signing up for a marathon when you’ve got tendinitis. First things first: Take proper care of yourself.

It’s always perplexed me that people come to loathe me when I’m working SO hard to be what they want, but rally ’round when I decide I don’t give a poop anymore and just do what I think is best, even if I think it’ll make me some enemies. Be professional, be clear about who you are and what you want, and be (pleasantly) firm about it. ADD/ADHDers are even lousier than most people at fitting in where they’re not genuinely welcome.

Be pleased that you have family willing to act as a resource while you get your act together. Stop cutting yourself off from people — you know perfectly well, that’s no help to your depression or to your job-networking. If you can do something scary or uncomfortable every day, that’ll stimulate your ADHD brain enough to get it into an up-cycle rather than a down-spiral.

Believe me, we’ve ALL had a lot of crap from life! But ADHDers who’ve found their niche of interest and figured out how to use our strengths instead of just overcoming our weaknesses have enjoyed great success, and so will you. And that’s something to look forward to! “The best revenge is living well.”

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[Anonymous]

Thanks guys for the needed pep talk.

I know that we/ I have special gifts that are hard to come by and the key is to finding that ‘special’ place environment to put them to good use without all the bullshit, jealousy, and restraints.

The hard part is finding that place.

I know that I need someplace where I am not racing after a time clock to punch in, I have competent support staff around me to delegate work to so that projects actually get completed. I need to be with others that want to be ‘cutting edge’ and helping to improve the medicine (leukemia/lymphoma, HIV/AIDS) and the technology. The perfect job is when I was at Cook County Hospital but the rug got ripped out from under my Director and me when County politics changed in early 2007. I got to help the indigent, saw rare forms of L/L, the most advanced lab in the area, a test and beta site for a manufacturer (we helped develop the new instruments, software, and procedures).

After a week of being possessed to scour the internet to find another job, it finally dawned on me that I have to get me back in mental and physical order. Right now I would not do myself or anyone else justice as an employee. Plus I would probably have a difficult time getting hired with my mental state.

I have been trying for years to start working out again – well now I will use every mind-game and ounce of will power I can muster to start exercising again.

I think that I should switch Psychiatrists, does anyone know of an Adult ADD Psychiatrist in the Chicagoland area?

Thank you for the words that have meaning and substance behind them!

TLY

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[trashman]

hey, guys ,I got fierd on dec 1 . the reason he gave for letting me go was I didn’t fit in and get this I wouldn’t stop for my breaks. that was because I was trying to take care of his customer. what was I thinking that the custumer comes first . SHILLY ME!!!! hay I never new that I can typ better when listening to acdc back in black. yet I hate when some one trys to talk to me when Iam doing something , this is great the louder the better this is so much easyer to think . I always thought I would have trouble keeping my train of thought. good stuff..

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[Author]

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