Re: Understanding a partner with ADHD

[ADDled]

Hi, Terry!

You’ve have taken the first step. This is the best source of adult ADD information I have come across.

I think the next step would be to suggest seeing the documentary “ADD and Loving It!”. Tell them about this website. Tell them the stories from all the people on this forum who are struggling every day with the same thing you are. You are not alone. After that, you can only hope that some of this got through. And remind them to be open minded: adult ADD is a relatively new diagnosis.

It’s your “brainstyle” and you cannot change that, but you can change how to manage it. I was diagnosed at 57, just a few months ago. I have told my closest friends (to help explain to them why I did what I did back then…). I still haven’t disclosed to my immediate family, only because my ADD hasn’t really hasn’t impacted on them. I’m not in jail, or living in the streets, a compulsive gambler or a dope addict. So the family unit is basically intact…although disfunctional.

Yes, I’m going through the same thing. Since it is genetic, my wife sees ADD symptoms in my mother and brother. But, apparently, they are content dealing with their lives the way they are now. Obviously they never had an existential crisis to cause them to re-evaluate things. I have them a lot. Not as much now that I know what my root cause is.

I just had a thought (that’s what happens with our brains!)!

How about a “reverse intervention?” Maybe have all the skeptics around you over for a party and spring the documentary on them?

I’m thinking the “Inspector Hercule Poirot (Murder on the Orient Express, et,al) approach”: “You are all wondering why I called you here” sort of thing. Then show the documentary. It may just work. At this point, what have you got to loose?

As to being too late. In my case: Nope!

You can get a professional diagnosis. I have and it’s like being born again with new awareness and new skills and new eyes. While I still struggle adapting my new coping skills such as Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), meditation, study of Taoism into my new life, I am making slow, steady improvements in my habits and I am seeing significant changes. And I tell myself everyday “This, too, shall pass”. I’ve even picked up my hobbies again, and THAT is a great form of meditation.

And this too must be said. Your about my age. So we have a lot a baggage about how people and the world has treated us in general. In my case….well, let’s just say I wish it were better. The hard part will be letting all that go. We each have about 50 years of it; realize that may take a long time with some setbacks along the way.

Another benefit I have noticed and like is that I understand what it is to be “different” and have a great deal more compassion for anyone who ‘”doesn’t fit in”. Whether it’s a different race, culture, lifestyle, sexual orientation, or disability. I feel more for them than I do for “normals”. Normals don’t need my compassion anyhow…they do just fine in this world.

So you see, it’s never too late. It’s gonna take a lot of “blood, sweat, tears and toil”…well maybe not the blood part, but you get my drift. You are going to have to advocate for yourself in this. Mr Green has said in one of his “Rants” that you may have to educate your doctor about this. As I said, adult ADD in a new specialty, so don’t be surprised that you may encounter disbelief from some medical professionals. Keep plugging away or change doctors until you get the answers you need.

Hope this helps…and good luck!

Let us know how things are going.

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