Re: Understanding a partner with ADHD

[Anonymous]

Hi all, this is all new to me but I suspect my husband has ADD not the H part, just ADD. I was watching a TV program and some things started to sound too familiar, I had an “aha” moment so I started to look more into it. I need help, direction I don’t know were to go from here. I don’t even trust my layman appraisal of the situation. After 17 years of marriage several months ago we got into couples therapy because our marriage (specially the communication part of it) was falling apart. I feel so guilty because I think nothing had changed except I’ve ran out of patience, tolerance, energy to manage, and always being there to catch the next thing in our life that is usually thrown by him from falling and crashing and breaking. I really don’t know what to do… We have done so many geographic s and can never be happy. We built (I built and he bitched and judged) a beautiful home in HI only to sell it as soon as it was done because he hated it for how much attention it took to finish. We are always late for events, parties, appointments, and then he is mad and worked up the more he has to rush; but at the same time just as he is getting ready (late already) he goes out to the balcony to access how cold it is to know what to wear and he starts taking dead leaves off of the plant???? Is this ADD??? I downloaded the test and on part A all my answers regarding myself came out in the light area and all of his (which he doesn’t know yet, I filled it) has come out in dark gray area except the fidgeting. The only reason he doesn’t fidget now is because he can play with the i phone while any where. Last summer we went to pack my late Mother in law’s house and I found his grade school note books with tons of beautiful drawings in the margins but not much notes on the subject???? I have started to tell the couples therapist that his techniques are not really working, because my husband can’t really apply them when it is actually needed. He uses the methods of communication in jest on his good days and laughs about it, but never when we actually need to discuss something serious. There are so many examples I can see now. He hates crowds, he hates organizing trips, hates to be around too many people, and on and on. I just think there is an elephant in the room and unless we address it no couples therapy is going to work. As if that is not enough he also has an anger issue with me and society as a whole, ie., traffic, bank tellers, sales people etc. He is generally supper critical of people and always finds faults with them. Living with him is giving me Adult Children of Alcoholics feelings, I never know who he is going to be from moment to moment, and how I should react accordingly. I don’t know where to go from here. Our plate is so full and the fact that he has even committed to couples therapy is so great that I don’t want to tip the delicate balance by popping yet an other problem on him, besides who am I to diagnose? Please help. I’m going crazy. Am I????

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