Re: What was time like growing up?

[Misswho23]

Just recently joined this site and what a relief! It’s been great reading all the posts and finally being part of the norm. The norm of Adders.

I was diagnosed last January. I’m in my forties now (yikes!) so later diagnosis. Talk about time going fast!

School and growing up was just one chaotic big mess for me. But surprisingly when I look back I also had some pretty good successes. They just got over shadowed by all the other stuff. Before 5 I remember being happy but always the little girl who would talk too much couldn’t sit still. Well that’s what I was told. I just thought hey I’m having lots of fun what’s the problem?

There were times when I got a long with friends and then times I didn’t. Times I could be outgoing and then all of a sudden shy and withdrawn. I think it was about in the second grade that real school problems started. I was not being included on groups didn’t do well in sports activities during recess so other kids didn’t want me playing with them. So I withdrew. Then coupled with that I also fell behind with school work. I would feel that I understood the material but just couldn’t present it back. Or would hear part of instructions but then get lost in them. It was like a blip in my brain. So try being in the second grade and explaining this to adults. The response was I needed to apply myself more. Yeah right, my brain was already fatigued from all the “trying”. So learned to throw a major temper tantrum to get the frustration and pent up energy out and also to avoid doing my work.

But on the flip side I had a creative streak that I could really tap into. I excelled believe it or not at reading, history, social studies, music, pretty much anything art related. I could all of a sudden out of nowhere produce some really good work related to that. For example in 4th grade I drew a pencil drawing and my teacher finally noticed me and suggested I enter the county art show. It was a first attempt at a realistic drawing. I won a blue ribbon. But my self esteem was out of whack. It was supposed to look like the mouse Stuart Little and my proportions where a bit off and it looked more like a rat. So I developed a sense if being a fraud who won a prize for something other than what it should have been. This also happened with music. I could read the music and play well but just couldn’t figure out how to count and the timing. So I would find a way to have the teacher play it or fake playing while I listened to other students play and then I could mimic what I hear. So it was another secret to bear. God forbid if I was asked to play something before I heard it first.

In Jr. high I did a little better. there was an 8th grade class called Law and Free Society that you had to have a higher GPA and maintain to get into. So in 7th grade that was my incentive. To get into the class that all the smart kids were into and I really was interested in the class. You go to do extracurricular things and leave school to go watch government in session. I did get the GPA needed and a little higher than the cut off. So with a reward that I was interested in I could actually apply myself. If I didn’t care then I just wouldn’t do the work. Math is an area I always struggled with and the mere mention of it give me hives. But I found a way to pass.

High school was the worst. Even though I had been doing better in Jr. High the social pressure and anxiety was really taking a toll. I still had problems fitting in and kept trying on different personas. Like Lady of Comedy also referred to as class clown. The bookworm. The outcast raging against society. And my favorite “skits” I would do at school around friends or in class. Accents like being english were one of my favorites and teachers could not stand for it. I dreamed of being on Saturday Night Live. I just couldn’t find a way to be myself. As a result I developed agoraphobia. I diagnosed my self in a high school psychology class assignment. This was after being dragged to a ton of shrinks trying to figure me out. The got sidetracked with all the depression, anxiety and getting into alcohol and smoking pot.

But also found a way to gout out of the agoraphobia once I got a book on it and studied about it. Research is another thing I love to do.

Just noticed this post is turing into a novel. Hello monologue! So to wrap up. Dropped out of school, got married way to young, got divorced no kids out of that one. thank god. Did graduate later and attended college. College is another post in hyper focus. I graduated in Graphic Design and have been doing that for 12 years or so. Successful but was discharged from my job of 11 years and have been looking for work for the last year.

These are some of the things I used to compensate for what I know now was ADD. For time it either went by really fast or agonizingly slow. Reeeeeaaally slow. Still does. Hope this helps for anyone reading this as it does me. Just know other have gone through it. And we never give ourselves enough credit for any success and surviving it all. And I’m not alone in this.

Misswho

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