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Re: What you may be doing that keeps you from making friends

Re: What you may be doing that keeps you from making friends2011-01-04T17:54:46+00:00

The Forums Forums What is it? Other What you may be doing that keeps you from making friends Re: What you may be doing that keeps you from making friends


Post count: 14413

powcat – What you describe does not sound sad, it sounds pretty typical. All of the problems you describe in you post can be chalked up to one of the big three symptoms (most life impacting): impulsivity. Not knowing you I can’t say anything for sure but if I had to guess based on my experiences and what I’ve learned about ADHD Adults and through self-reflection I would bet you tend to be (or to at least speak) impulsive or at least speak impulsively. Drinking lowers our inhibitions resulting in being even MORE impulsive (i.e.. flirting with everyone). You say you’re a “little intense.” I suspect that means you go way deeper into a subject than the average person would in conversation. In other words, you impulsively say what is on your mind with little or no concern in the moment of whether you are overstepping some social boundary most people seem to instinctively know. And the sharing too much, too quickly, is classic impulsiveness.

I’m an “over-sharer” as well and have given up trying to stop myself. I’m too impatient to wait through the weeks, months, or years society requires to reach that “comfort level” in a friendship. I have however learned to tell people right up front that I wear my heart and my thoughts on my sleeve for all to see and they shouldn’t read anything into something I say simply because it isn’t the norm. I say exactly what I mean so if I bring up some event I’ve had with major depression in the past it will be because it is relevant to a point I’m trying to make, not because I’m fishing for pitty or any other reason one may suppose. And that’s just for casual conversations ;-). If I’m debating ideas (philosophy, politics, economics, etc.) I advise that no one should take personal offense at anything I say, because I discuss ideas, not people, and therefore any criticism or counter-point I have is aimed at the subject being debated, not the person I’m debating. Most of my closest friends are people who’s ideas and convictions are often diametrically opposite of mine.

(I’m actually not that wordy in real conversations, I’m just trying to be clear here because the written word is the easiest to misinterpret.)

Pleases keep in mind, this is what I do, not what I suggest you do. I’m in my early forties and am just done with trying to be someone I’m not for the sake of societal norms. I don’t care if someone wants to be my friend or not. I’ve got my close friends who know what to expect from me and I’m happy with that. If I had been this way in my twenties or early thirties those few who became my close lifelong friends would probably not have stuck around long enough to get to know me and I would be a very lonely man today.

You obviously must be liked if you continue to be invited to parties and social events. It is possible your personality makes you very likeable in a group (I predict you can be very funny) but may be a little overwhelming one-on-one or in quieter settings. If that’s the case, being aware can help you adjust to be more mindful of others’ expectations.

I’m just guessing so please don’t assume I have any credibility when offering opinions about your personal affairs. There is no reason to believe anything I have to say about you, your ADHD, or its impact on your life is accurate. That is something you’ll, possibly with the help of honest friends and/or counselors knowledgeable about adult ADHD, have to figure out.

Best wishes,


BTW – Stimulant medication (ritalin, etc.) is often very helpful for individuals with impulse control problems. Something to think about.