ipso i think you’re right (if what i’m reading into that is correct) – even now that teachers and social workers and others are more educated about ad/hd , the quiet/ “good girl/boy” types can easily be overlooked, and for people like us who feel odd or like we don’t fit in,etc., we tend to develop social anxiety also early on(i know i did) that can mask some of the impulsiveness and other behaviors that would otherwise bring more attention to the situation.
something else – i recently told my biological mom about my diagnosis…and my frustration of not knowing earlier, wondering why it was never investigated and so forth. and she said “well, sometimes it’s hard to/ just don’t see things that are right under your nose.” i think she has a point there too.
she also, though, mentioned she recently was having a conversation with her brother about how he’ll be reading the same thing over and over because he would be looking at the words but not actually paying attention/absorbing them……sound familiar? hehe
i never met my biological father, and don’t have that much info about him, but from what i do know, i’m guessing there was contribution of the genetic component of my ad/hd from both sides.
i’ve been kind of going back and forth about telling my parents. on the one hand, all my life my mom has complained that i don’t share things with her,that i’m so secretive (it always seemed there were negative repercussions to sharing with her, so i learned early on to keep my mouth shut). but i do feel like i’ve come to a place where i can tell her about this without blaming her (at least about this). and it may help to explain, in part, why we’ve had such a terrible time in our mother-daughter relationship.i have a better understanding of the “getting frustrated to the point of yelling” at me, often. although it still seems it was excessive, i understand it. i don’t understand the frequent criticism and shaming she did to me…..which still seems, well, shameful….but that’s another story… on the other hand, she will probably not be around much longer as she is in end-stage parkinson’s, and not doing well at all, and, if she is able to process the information, she will probably feel bad/blame herself for not seeing “what was right under her nose”…and really don’t want that to be the dominant feelings she’s having as she’s coming to the end. i have a lot of anger and resentment,,,other issues with her – she doesn’t even remember how we were/ things she said/did when i was growing up or even as a young adult, so i need to just work on these things myself/with counselor. my dad i think i can tell, but don’t think he’ll really understand, except to tell him “you know how it was always a big joke in the family how much aunt shirlee and i are alike? how i should have been her daughter? well, she probably also had add, undiagnosed.” (i did ask him recently if she was diagnosed with any psychiatric disorders, and he replied that she probably was but he didn’t know about them) also don’t think he’ll blame himself or anyone else either, so that’s good.
any thoughts on how i should disclose or not to my mother?
also wanted to reiterate what nellie said to you, sadona. being a success as a mother as you have, though you lost your way as a musician, is far better than finding success as a drummer but losing your way as a mother!
and now that your child is grown, maybe when you have gotten things more under control with meds, therapy, etc you can return to music for yourself?
“it aint over til the fat lady sings” 