Re: Why was I not diagnosed when I was a child!

[Robbo]

I have had plenty of feelings and thoughts similar to yours. I was the second youngest of 8 kids. I don’t think it’s such a good idea to compare our experiences as much as it is to share solutions. My main solution is to make changes with the life I’ve got now. Knowing why we are the way we are is more important than knowing who to blame. Mostly I see at this point that I need to spend what’s left of my life doing what I can to improve it. I need to remember it was never with any kind of malice that my parents or teachers neglected me, and lot’s of kids like me.

When I did ask my mom questions about my childhood as part of the diagnosis process. I was careful to avoid blaming her. I don’t really know, but in hindsight it seems like she felt blamed regardless of how I asked the questions about grades n stuff. No matter what, even the worst parents wish they did better. That’s just natural. It’s likely my mom has ADHD symptoms, I don’t diagnose her. But if it’s true then she already beats herself up way too much without me adding more reasons for her to be hard on herself.

I waited until I wasn’t in a bad mood, or angry about the culture I grew up in, before I started asking about my grades etc. Some of that anger probably came through anyway in passive aggressive ways. I did the best I could do talking to my mom about the diagnosis related history of my childhood. I wish I would have gotten more advice first. I don’t have much of a relationship with my parents nowadays. But at this point I feel like I just need to let go of solving that problem. They’re set in their ways in my eyes. Changing me is the solution, not changing them, or even changing how I see them. Fixing me is a big enough job for sure.

Give it some time, wait for some more replies from here before you engage your parents. Even at age 47, I still want to have a good relationship with my parents. Dealing with this whole ADHD can of worms has stressed a lot of the relationships I’ve got. Not a lot.

I wish there were magic words to help you get through feeling the loss of all those years. I can tell you this. My attitude is better now. I’m able to see that regardless of the lack of good medical, especially psychiatric care. I did develop some good copeing skills. I still forget some of them. Self restraint is probably the one skill I have never really given myself enough credit for having. Lack of self restraint, and not much impulse control is the cause of a lot of my suffering, I can work on these things bette now, I’ve found better tools here. Medication, and changing how I operate is my solution, my parents can’t give me that now, educating myself about how to deal with my ADHD has got to be my main focus. I really have to work my tail off at keeping a positive outlook. That’s much easier to write about than to actually do. I hope you’ve got some good medical help, and you’re willing to build on some support systems. Good luck. You found a good place to start building some support for yourself, here. Stick around, There’s tons more to learn here.

7-10-12

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