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The original post from 2012 is amazing. I identify with most of it. My quest for “spirituality” led me to a study of Jewish ethics (which I helped write a book about). Most of which is not about “faith” in an abstract Being, but practical application of basically just being kind, honest in your emotional and financial life, altruistic in general, etc. The core values that draw people to religion.
There’s a lot of guilt in religion, and an enormous amount of hypocrisy – which causes me to feel that the most “spiritual” people are often secular humanists who are at least not putting on a false front about who they are. They don’t pretend to perfection or try to force those standards on others.
Making a long story short, after a lot of searching and trying to become more perfect, I have come to a place where I feel like my ticket to a meaningful life comes from my creative projects. I’m not sure how I feel about the concept of “god” but clearly there is a creative force that brought the universe into existence and causes life on this planet, at least, to perpetuate itself (without our help, intervention, or will) – a force that preceded us as a species and will continue long after humanity falls into extinction. Anyone can tap into awareness of that energy, what some call “the numinous.” Some people get it from time spent in natural surroundings. Some people get it from loving relationships, or meditation, art, music, gardening, or what have you.
I read a book that basically says the self is mutable and susceptible to environmental influence – even in “neurotypicals” – we are more products of our environment than is typically believed, more open to influence than we might think – which flies in the face of the concept of “free will” – we have choices, but within a narrower range than we might guess. And we are all interdependent.
I’ve always felt different. And I’ve always asked “Why?” – Why are we here, what’s the purpose of all this? I didn’t sign up to be alive in this world. But what can you do? Other than decide how to spend your time, now that you are here. I spend my time writing.
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