Hey Flowzonegal . . . . I think you are on the common roller-coaster of emotions ‘post’-diagnosis. and I think this roller-coaster is harder for those of us who get diagnosed later in life. I was diagnosed in my early 40’s . . and yes, it was ‘exciting’! Actually, it was like a huge burden off my shoulders. There IS a REASON I am the way I am. I’m not trying to be ‘difficult’, or rude, or ‘strong-willed’ (I’d probably be strong-willed w/o this disability!), or lazy, or disorganized . . etc etc etc. And yes, the sadness and depression I think are part of the course for dealing with the diagnosis. I can often get ‘stuck’ in all the negative impacts this undiagnosed disorder had (and still has) on my life. I’m now in my 50’s and there has been but 1 job in my entire life (and there have been sooooo many jobs) that I didn’t have to leave before getting the boot!. Depressing is an understatement if I dwell on it! But I have to remind myself that I cannot/could not “fix” what I couldn’t see/understand. While it looks like I have “screwed up everything” . . I have actually been very successful . . despite my disability. As have you! You have a husband and children to support you. Get them involved. They may be your biggest assets in helping you manage this disability. And never forget that this is a Disability!!! I have to lean on that . . to keep my sanity. There is only so much I can do to re-wire my brain . . but I will still miss deadlines, forget things every day etc etc etc. If we could “fix” it – it wouldn’t be a ‘disability’. That’s the point . . . the best you can do is MANAGE it . . there is no Fix – no meds to permanently rewire your brain. Only meds to help you Manage your disability. It’s all about management . . and maybe that is the ‘fix’ – learning to manage.
And find a new Psychiatrist!! You deserve someone who will work With you!
Good luck . . and write, write, write . . if it helps you manage . . we’re here to read . . and reply when we can