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Reply To: Confused… Loss of Motivation

Reply To: Confused… Loss of Motivation2013-10-04T09:56:10+00:00

The Forums Forums Emotional Journey Is It Just Me? Confused… Loss of Motivation Reply To: Confused… Loss of Motivation

#122261

blackdog
Member
Post count: 906

“Sometimes, it’s both boredom and fear of being judged.”

That sums it up perfectly. Exactly what happens to me. Thanks for providing a simple and concise answer @Larynxa.

Ah, I see. A horse with ADHD. And Halloween avatars. Now it all makes sense.

On both the subject of starting projects and the upcoming festivities…..

I have been saving pieces of styrofoam for years with the notion that I could use them to create headstones for Halloween. I got the idea after looking at the one I bought for something like $30 and thinking that’s an awful lot of money for a chunk of styrofoam.

I have had to rescue my would-be headstones from the recycling bin numerous times and been told off for keeping them even more times. But I refused to let them go. Yesterday, I finally got around to painting one.

Last time I was out shopping by myself I bought a can of stone look spray paint and hid it for fear of having to explain why I bought it. I was so insecure and nervous about being judged that I planned to do it while no one was around to see. But Husband came home unexpectedly.

Well, he came to see what I was doing while I was laying the tarp down. I said “I want to start getting things ready for Halloween” and left it at that, afraid to say what I was actually doing.

Then after I had finished the first coat and was feeling very pleased with myself, he came back and started. It’s the wrong colour, it should be black or grey, I should have painted it first then sprayed the stone stuff over top (which I had already figured out), and so on. Then I had to argue with him over his plan to repaint my headstone. I know it would look better with another colour underneath but I am not about to let the paint I already put on it go to waste and end up having to go out and buy more. This was supposed to be a money saving project.

So, later on last night, I set up a mock display in the living room to show what the finished product is going to look like, complete with ghost popping out from behind. Partly for myself but mostly to show that I really do know what I am doing. I was again very pleased with myself and excited over the ideas that came to me while I worked.

But after I was finished, suddenly I felt sort of sad, and the motivation left me. Just like that I didn’t want to be bothered going any further with it. And I started to doubt myself again, picturing how other people are going to react to it, picking out little flaws that I am sure everyone is going to see.

And this is how it always goes. This morning I was still feeling a little down about it. But then I got a new idea…

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