Reply To: CURIOUSITY! – Questioning Everything for the BETTER

[deebee]

I’m not sure whether you’re talking about dating/sex partners or life choices. Either way, one person is certainly easier than juggling several, unless they are all one-night stands, in which case you’re cheating yourself out of interpersonal everything. Serial monogamy works for some people, too (as long as they don’t have to marry and divorce). I did lots, from hooking up for a few hours to living with a partner for a few years.

Novel concept: Perhaps people should be free to do whatever works for them, as long as they are honest about it.

But I don’t think “theory” is the best label for belief in permanent coupleship. Many historical customs, religions, social and political organizations have heavily influenced that pattern. Perhaps for some, societies moving from extended-family group quarters to mobile single-family domiciles created a concern about how to provide children with sufficient socialization to become healthy adults. If/when a woman has children, she could likely use the help of at least one other adult with a personal interest in the offspring. And a bunch of monogamous couples are probably (at least theoretically) simpler to govern.

Most likely because I was raised without religion, I’ve never felt pressured to marry, or to be monogamous, nor did I grow up expecting to ever have a permanent mate. In fact, the very idea of living with one person forever filled me with horror. How would I ever deal with the boredom that would surely set in almost immediately? I had a hard time spending more than a few hours with anybody, no matter how much I liked him or her.

I ended up falling into a relationship that didn’t bore me, then when I was 62, we began to call ourselves married so I could share his health care plan. We have an uncommon relationship, though. We both are wildly ADD, which is sometimes advantageous and sometimes disastrous. We are both smart, highly verbal, well-educated (at least in our own minds!), each of us usually able to “win” encounters with others. We both hate noisy environments – emotional or physical, and need long stretches of time alone to read, daydream or socialize with others.

Shortly after we met and realized just how complementary our psyches were, we made a pact not to yell at or belittle one another. We have never had a single fight in 15 years. We disagree plenty, argue fairly often and get pretty competitive sometimes – but NEVER insult or degrade each other. And I never get bored.

One thing I can tell the sexy young, footloose and fancy-free: Going out hunting for companionship can get old – and exhausting – as one ages and responsibilities take their toll. Also, there is something to be said for having someone who is tickled to see you even at your ugliest!

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