The Forums › Forums › Reply To: Feels Like It's Being Held Over My Head (Long, sorry)
Hello Decanus,
I must admit I can relate to your story 110%. I can relate to the emotional , psychological and physical portion of it all. I am 46 and have a position which requires me to meet a time quota. We have to bill 7.5 hours a day in a 8 hour day. Seems easy enough right? WRONG!!! For some reason time escapes me. I can think of a number of reasons why this happens- ADD at it’s best. I am working against the grain. But here is what I have learned, what I am getting from reading your post and what I continue to do although the obvious is written on the wall.
I am determined to “master” something that is not healthy for me.The stress of making billable has nearly driven me anxiety attacks and depression. But my ADD doesn’t allow me to walk away. Or maybe the money. But I know I am working in a area that specifically targets my disability. TIME MANAGEMENT! I have read plenty of books and researched ways to overcome, but today (6years later) I have not managed the art of tracking and billing my time appropriately. It seems to me that you may be doing the same. When reading the post I don’t get the sense that this current position is in line with what you want to do forever; but more of a job for now. Would you be able to look for something that doesn’t work against who you are? If you have the opportunity- search for the next step that doesn’t require such tight restraints.
In reading your post you seem a little unfair to the new girl. Wait before you brush me off here… Just offering a little insight… a tiny morsel of reflection. We all come from different backgrounds and different perspectives, and when reading your post she seems to have the same issues you had before you were diagnosed. The difference is you sought help, you advocated for your well being. You had insight and understanding to say hey, what’s going on? How can I overcome this situation? Maybe there is a problem I can address. It doesn’t sound like this new girl has done this. Maybe she is just lazy… (this statement should be included as part of the diagnosing criteria- as I would bet a majority of ADD-er’s have heard this phrase at one time or another. Remember we struggle with task which do not stimulate our brains.)
Ask yourself -I am sure she doesn’t have ADD- because????
I am just saying at the end of the day.. ADD is not the same for everyone and if she hasn’t figured out that she has a problem then nothing you say to her is going to end well for you. Your boss seems to have had the correct thought, but articulated it wrong. What she should have responded with was an acknowledgement of your complaint. Not she would have to write you up too. I am sorry she was abrasive to you. That seems a unfair and short sighted of her.
In today’s work force we have a long way on Diversity, and fair treatment. We all want to be treated fairly and I believe that once we identified that we had a REAL problem (we aren’t just slackers) we expect some kind of concession. I am not sure if concession is the correct word I wanted to use- so let me give some examples. Take for example someone who is near/farsighted- The are at work an can’t read the instructions, problem is identified quickly, so corrective action is put in place- mostly by the employee but maybe for the time being the majority of their work is deferred so that they can continue to be part of the team an business doesn’t suffer. In the meantime, there needs to be time to go to the doctor, get the prescription, take it to the eyeglass place, find the right pair of frames, get the right fit to our face, send the glasses out for the lenses to be put in, go back for the fitting, and then we’re done. That all happens in a number of days maybe at the most extreme case a few weeks, but all in all there is an outward appearance that we are all set an ready to go. Now for ADD, with and with out medication, this process is drawn out and not exact and there is definitely no outward display that gives an indication that “BING” we’re good to go. Even when we are at our best we still will encounter good and bad days sometimes several in a row..This leads (from my perspective)to an unfair criticism and micromanaging by supervisors in attempts to help us meet our goal. It seems to me that the goal is to help us stay on target, it often feels like Crap and does not motivate people to do better.At least I haven’t found it helpful.
Let me ask … would we ask someone who is 4ft tall to stack boxes on a shelf 6 ft from the floor. Probably not. If we did, there would have to be concession like extra equipment, extra time, safety ect. Besides that both parties (employer and employee) would immediately see the challenges ahead. With ADD it is not so plain or exact. So, I guess before I come up with another scenario to try to explain what I am getting at (my ADD kicked in sorry) I am saying I understand and can relate with the feeling of being penalized for your disability. It’s tough and you sound like a hard worker. I want to say try not to take it personally, but I haven’t quite master not taking it personally just yet. 😐
It sounds as if your diagnosis was not obvious in the beginning but it is now. Continue to try to work with your boss as much as possible and understand that businesses are supposed to treat everyone equally. If you have a gripe about how you are being treated, document it and speak to your manager. I would suspect if this one person is not performing an meeting company needs, she will be in the hot seat soon enough.
I hope this helps, Know that I am cheering for your success. I wish you the best of luck, you are off to a good start.. Next is finding your dream job which will play into your strengths.
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