Reply To: Looks like I have it, after all

[gianmaria]

Hi Blackdog and thanks for the kind words.

Don’t talk about not being able to go to bed.

I struggle witht his daily! at 8h30, when i tuck the kids in I almost regularly fall asleep while reading their bedtime story.

I then crawl back downstairs to help the wife with the reparations for the day to come (lunchboxes for the kids, tidying up the stuff lying around…). I usually do not feel like doing anything of importance, like getting back at the drawing board or replying that lenghty e-mail from a friend I haven’t seen in a while.

Nope. That’s too much effort.

Maybe I’ll iron some clothes, so I’ll prove I’m a good man of the house…

Nothing on TV, ok , I’ll just check YouTube, or some news site.

cut to TWO or THREE hours later: I’m still browsing the internet.

I feel like crap (pardon my French) because I could have done some useful things, or I could have done the things I always complain not having the time to do (like finishing that award-winning graphic novel I have thought up) or I just could have slept (once in bed, I can usually fall asleep pretty easy)

But no.

I just stayed awake to feel bad about myself after a wile. I finally get in bad crying promising myself tomorrow I’ll cut the crap and get real.

Until it’s 8h30 again at night and I’m tucking them in…

I think much of the problem is that I do not want to admit there are problems, because I’m afraid the people around me won’t accept it.

They’ll think I’m just making excuses.

So all the feelings I’m going through stay with me…

 

Don’t know if that makes any sense…

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