Thank you for your response, SDWA.
Intellectually, everything you’re saying makes sense. It seems like, most of the time I can accept myself and even laugh at myself, and then–I don’t know what happens. It all gets turned on it’s head, and suddenly, everything feels bad.
That is AMAZING that you have committed to write a book and that you are doing it! That’s a long term project with a lot steps involved, and only you deciding where/how/when to write. For an ADHD’er, that kind of self-motivated long term project would be incredibly daunting, at least to me it would be! I think there’s a novel or a book or two in me, but sticking with a project like that over a long period of time makes me feel queasy just thinking about it. So, that’s pretty awesome of you to believe in yourself like that. What have you got to lose? I keep trying to tell myself the same thing.
I went to the local Christmas Craft fair today, and once again, tried not to feel bad about not having made things to sell there again this year. I make really funky hats, scarves, and clothes out of recycled material–mostly t-shirts, sweatshirts, and wool. I have all these hats cut out and ready to be sewn/serged together, and did I get around to making them? NO. You have to pretty much get on the list to these craft fairs about 4 months in advance. These things just seem to come and go, and I’m where….out in space or something. Long term planning is just not my Forte.
For a while, I was sewing twice a week, and I sold my things at local farmers markets when I lived in the Islands. So, I have been that “Rock Star creative person” from time to time, but I can’t keep it up! I even participated in a fashion show a few years back. However, I got kind of burned out on sewing–it’s a lot of work and not a lot of money in return. So, I haven’t been doing hardly any sewing for about a year. People keep saying to me, “Do ETSY.” Honestly, I feel like I need someone to freaking hold my hand, and walk me through all these steps that it takes to actually make money from what I’m doing. It’s overwhelming to me. I’m not a business person, and I don’t even know where to begin. Hello, it’s Christmas time: I could have made some extra money!!!
You know what else? I had some clothes in a local shop that closed down, and the owner kept trying to get a hold of me to come my stuff, and I kept forgetting and forgetting and forgetting, and finally he left me a Facebook message saying, “I’m moving to Victoria in 2 days, where can I leave your stuff?” I messaged back some ideas, but I never heard back from him, and now I have no idea what happened to all those awesome drawstring dresses I made! Why didn’t I go pick them up? IT MAKES NO SENSE!?
I love your idea of having a “buddy.” I would love to cultivate that kind of relationship with another creative person. What I really, really wish, is that I could afford a coach. I think being able to go to someone and sort of spill out all my stuff in a jumble on their desk, so to speak, and have them make sense of it and help me come up with a plan, and then help me stick to the plan, would be AMAZINGLY helpful. It’s all about money for me, however. As in, I don’t really have any. I feel so frustrated, that I can’t “afford” the help I need to be successful! I know life’s not fair, but sometimes, it’s really, really not fair.
Anyway, that’s awesome that you’re writing a novel and that you’ve found a way to help yourself follow through. Very inspiring.
Sometimes, when these things feel overwhelming, I just have to tell myself–“one step in front of the other…and just worry about the first step, and then don’t worry about the next step until your done with the first one. Rinse, and repeat ad infinitum.