Reply To: parenting an \"adult\" child with ADD–so frustrating!!!

[dithl]

@teabaglady – so sorry to hear you are stuck between two people who are not coping well. Sounds like it would be good to drag your husband to a support group (though likely not possible…) Early 20s are such a difficult time…that blessed high structure of school has dropped away, and at the same time we are expected to make major life decisions.

You know, running away might not be a bad idea, if it’s at all possible. Not forever, but somehow give yourself a little distance from this whole situation for awhile. It sounds like you have a lot of responsibility on your shoulders. It could be time to step back a bit and let some of that go? Easier said than done, I know. But part of becoming independent, whatever that eventually looks like, is recognizing and taking responsibility for one’s own difficulties. It sounds like you are managing that quite a bit for your daughter. What would happen if you let go? But I should admit that I am a little out of my territory here. I moved out at 18, married with a son at 19. I probably tend to err on the other side and under-parent now that he’s on his own…

@rbb – you said there’s lots more that you haven’t mentioned…it sounds like your son’s mental health has deteriorated? You mentioned a mood disorder and the fact that he had become more socially withdrawn since his experimentation with psychadelics and current self-medication with marijuana. Do you have someone knowledgeable you can talk to about what you are seeing? I don’t know what mental health supports are in your area but I found attending a NAMI family to family course helped me deal with a loved one’s “adventures” with bi-polar. Other group members were going through situations very similar to yours. In our case, we had very little control over the situation as he was living with his grandparents. I could not wish a more difficult, heartbreaking thing to have to do than to let your child hit rock bottom, and selfishly pray I never have go through that. I do know I couldn’t do it on my own though – you need someone who is outside of the situation who can help you sort out what is helpful, what is enabling, and where your limits are. Here is the NAMI Colorado site – I don’t know if you will find it useful, but I hope you do get the support you need wherever you find it (including this Totally Awesome community). Wishing both of you strength! http://www.namicolorado.org/EducationandSupport/EducationSupportGroups/FamilySupportGroups/tabid/120/Default.aspx

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