Reply To: Please help!

[scott]

I know that this is a frightening situation.  I work as a cameraman and things got tough when I was assigned to shoot dance with one of the best videographers of  dance on the east coast.  My job, “very simple”, was to cover everything on stage.  That is: Keep the dancer in the CENTER, the RIGHT AMOUNT of headroom and room at the bottom; don’t CUT  the hands or feet; control the iris at the RIGHT F STOP; stay in FOCUS;  REPLACE the media before it runs out; move smoothly, don’t SHAKE.  It was a lot like trying to track a fly with a telescope.  A dancer can jump in any direction at any moment and the director wanted me as tight as possible (because it looks good) and not have the hands or feet touch the frame (because it looks really bad).

Quite often i heard his dismayed directions coming through my headphones.  I wanted to die.  Then I had to listen to him tell me, more than once,  on the ride home from the gig that “I think you just don’t pay attention”  That was a killer.

I had done this job often enough that I knew what he wanted and I knew what to do, but it wasn’t clicking.  It was like I was crippled.   I figured that I had ADD (some other camermen had it too).  My nephew has it and my mother thought that my father has it.  I talked my sister into giving me a couple of my nephew’s adderalls.  She was very reluctant because this is illegal and it is a potentially dangerous drug if you are not careful.

I took 20 mgs about an hour before my next show.  It was like night and day.  I hardly heard any complaints and had a cordial ride home.  I had been seeing an analyst for about two years and she recommended me to a psychiatrist (they can prescribe) and got a script for the drug.

Lately, I’ve been getting compliments from directors at some of the stations and have been getting more assignments.  Mostly because, as one director put it, “I don’t have to tell you what to do.  You see it right away.”  That was great.

I feel that you are in the same position.  You know what to do, but can’t be sure of yourself.  A good sign is that they didn’t fire you because you have to work the floor because you’re “the best they have.”  You will undoubtedly be even better when you get some medicine in you.

I am very cautious about the use of these stimulants and have tried lower doses than 20mgs.  You have to find out how this works best for you and take it in the right way.  I tend to be overly cautious, but I can’t help but feeling like Roy Scheider  as Bob Fosse in “All That Jazz,” when I take them: “It’s showtime!”

—  scott

 

REPORT ABUSE