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Reply To: Self esteem

Reply To: Self esteem2013-10-15T12:22:41+00:00

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Wow, what a story about the teacher who didn’t believe you wrote your paper yourself. That actually happened to me once, too, and I was so angry that the teacher backed down – self-righteous indignation seems to work in those situations. That makes me mad, just hearing about your experience. I want to go back in time and slap that guy for you.

When the Princess Di lady said “Does your husband deal drugs?” I said, “No, does yours?” and she said, “No, I would never marry a man like that.” But by then, the damage was done. She went waltzing off into her smug evening and I slunk home feeling devastated and freakish and cried for about five hours. She struck me as the sort of person who would laugh about my weakness if she knew how upset I was by her comments.

Writing non-fiction is so much easier than writing fiction. With non-fiction, I can just rearrange information to make it clear. With fiction, I actually have to make stuff up.

I may need to look for a job soon, which I dread. I am so bad at self-promotion or even talking to people. The truth is I have real skills – I can write and I have a solid command of design principles and typography – not brilliant, but professional.  I can design a book or other text-heavy document.  I’m also a good artist, with a boat load of painting skills – not that that pays anything. I read and know many things that have no particular market value. I have a technical credential a lot of engineers struggle to get. But that doesn’t help me much, either.

Seems like I often work hard to achieve or produce things that are not recognized or appreciated by anyone but me. I feel invisible. Or visible in a bad way. Never had a career. Felt like a loser because of it for most of my life. At this late date, I’m content just to stay employed. I hope for better for my kids. My true accomplishments are the creative projects that give me a sense of meaning and purpose. If I won the lottery, I’d spend it reading, studying, taking classes, and learning new things (and sending my kids to school).

There’s nothing more important than education. Which doesn’t have to come from a book. It could come from watching and doing. Anyone who can create or build anything…I think those skills are important and real.