Reply To: Tired…

[That Guy with ADHD]

Hello MoonMommy3,

I’m sorry to hear that you are having trouble with your daughter.  Teenagers can be challenging at the best of times.  Throw ADHD into the mix and it certainly can make things worse.

I understand from some that medication can become inaffective over time and that a dose change or medication change may be necessary.  You might want to start with her physician about that.

Since being recently diagnosed at the age of 53 I can look back at my teenage years and see how the untreated ADHD affected me and my family.  Being “told” to do something was like Kryptonite for me.  The more “help” I received the more distractions I would find to the point that I would get nothing done.  I ended up cramming an entire school project or exam prep into a single evening or weekend.  With a tight deadline like that I could hyperfocus and actually achieve some successful results.  Over time I would develop some coping strategies  that worked for me and my family learned to remind me of appointments, assignments, exams rather than forcing me to sit down and do it.  Since being diagnosed I have done my share of learning and one thing that stands out is not to tell a person they need to do something but to simply give them a gentle reminder.  Rather than saying “You have an exam on Tuesday so you’d better study or you’re going to get an F” you could simply ask “Don’t you have an exam on Tuesday?  What’s it about again?”.  For me the threat of the first version would send me into an uncomfortable anxiety and a million thoughts would go through my head but not one of them on the upcomming test.  The latter example would simply remind me of my schedule and make me think about the topic which often (but not always) kickstarted me into a study session.  While no two people with ADHD will share the same results as I had my readings seem to indicate that it works for many.

Your daughter may also be suffering from comorbid disorders like depression and anxiety which can throw other issues into the mix.  A big one for me (and still is) is having a low self esteem.  Often forgetting or losing things, getting low marks, struggling to stay focused, and making simple mistakes makes me think of myself as a loser at times and it is almost impossible for me to stay focused then.  The best solution to a low self esteem is “Success”.  Reminders of when she does something well and fewer reminders of when she doesn’t make the grade can go a long way to improving self esteem and, along with it, any associated anxiety and depression.  While having a clean room can be helpful for someone with ADHD (less clutter to distract us) I am a believer in giving kids their space.  In my opinion forcing her to clean “her” room and taking away privilages until she does will just become another distraction.  Others on the forum may argue with me on this point but while I didn’t consider myself a messy kid I learned to appreciate a clean “clutter free” environment to live in (there are fewer distractions in a clean simple uncluttered space).

Things to consider might be Cognative Behavioral Therapy (CBT) which in my area is free for group sessions.  Also, coaching has been a very effective method of ADHD therapy.  It provides the participant with practical life skills and backs them up with a person who holds you accountable for them.  While I personally can’t afford coaching at this time I am looking forward to taking it when My situation changes.

Oh my, it’s late.  I need to stop rambling and go to bed.  These are just “my” opinions which may or may not be shared by others in the forum.  Perhaps they can comment on their own situations if they think it would benefit the discussion.  Feel free to ask me anything and I will do my best to answer your questions to the best of my ability.

Kind Regards

That Guy with ADD

 

 

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